Sometimes my emotions destroy me, and other times they result in this:

It was a dark, dark day, and a dark, dark night

The day I looked in the mirror

And realized that I had died,

Not that very day,

But a long time ago,

When I entered the empty mansion

On the unchaste road.

I flew in and out

Of lands unknown, unseen,

Far from reality,

I was sure it wouldn’t last,

Conveniently avoiding sins with words.

But who can stop the heart?

Such a vain, silly, unguarded imbecile

Beating faster as if egging on the body to move

And reach out to the sky

In search unknown stars it believes it can feel through flesh.  

I am no good

As the rocks on the sandy shores,

Scenic from a distance, but perilous if you slip.

I am divine as sin

Enticing you till you fall into the depths of hell

That lay in your unsuspecting mind.

Forgiveness is survival,

I forgive all but the shell in the mirror.

Let me reach out and touch the impossible

For I am doomed to wander on the unchaste road.

That you feed the fires is all but true

That I did, is.

And I wish not upon my worst enemy to have to say the words I said

And trod on sincerity as I did

But choice is not a luxury afforded to us Beggars,

To us who are truthful.

We are bound by the truth, we chose it and we chose the consequences.

But once we have chosen, we lose the choice to hold the hand of lies

To feel or make feel, ugly numbness, fleeting comfort.

Bless you from a deceitful heart,

Even thieves reserve the right to bless.

For loss

The battle of light versus dark has spanned over millenia, and each time we celebrate the victory of light and give blessings in its holy name...Yet today, forgive this melancholy because I cannot resist indulging in it...Let tonight lie in the realm between light and dark, where we all reside unknowingly...For those who are not with us, we pray to our own Gods for peace and comfort...For those things we cannot change, we accept our weakness and fight for the strength to overcome...But we do not celebrate victory tonight...We lie in the realm between light and dark tonight...

The Three Musketeers

D'Artagnan: Athos, why don't you come join us?
Athos: You fight like a man. See if you can drink like one.
D'Artagnan: I'll drink anything you put in front of me.
Athos: Famous last words... What should we drink to?
D'Artagnan: Let's drink to love.
Athos: [Snorts] To love. Let me tell you a story about love, D'Artagnan. I knew a young man once, a Count, who feared he would never fall in love. One day, he met a woman. This woman was more than beautiful. She was intoxicating, mysterious, everything he'd ever dreamed of. He felt his heart would burst if he couldn't have her.
D'Artagnan: What happened?
Athos: The poor idiot married her.
D'Artagnan: Isn't that what people do when they fall in love?
Athos: Shut up and listen to me. They were riding through the forest one day. She was thrown from her horse and knocked unconscious. When he rushed to her side, he noticed a mark on her body... something he'd never seen before, something she'd managed to keep hidden all this time.
D'Artagnan: What was it?
Athos: The brand of the fleur-de-lis, the mark given to those who are to be executed for murder. The Count was crushed. The woman he loved, his bride, had betrayed him. She'd lied to him. When she came to, she swore that she'd been falsely accused of these crimes, but he didn't believe her; he rejected her for her lies and for her past. Then he banished her from his province. When the guards came to take her away to be executed, she... she was still professing her undying love. Soon after, the Count realized how much she had meant to him, but it was too late. His betrayal was far greater than hers could ever have been. He gave up his title, his land, everything he believed in, never to be seen or heard from again, all because of love. 

What I want

Welcome to the jungle.

Today let me talk your hand

And I’ll show you what I see.

I see corpses walking,

Running,

Crying.

One shop to the other,

Buying this, buying that.

And deep down inside they’re weeping, screaming

They want to break free.

They want the money,

They want the holy land where they don’t need to feel.

No baby diapers or BMWs

Yes they want, no they don’t.

They want everything

And they’ll race each other for it,

Yes they’ll kill for it.

Murderers,

Raiding the town willing to kill what’s inside for a piece of shiny metal.

And the metal whips burn

And torment

They’re so illusive, so addictive

For a body.

But an addiction never ends,

Till it breaks,

Tears, rips and leaves a burned soul behind.

Oh devil, take me,

They beg till the scars show on the skin

From damage to a soul never meant to breathe.

It’s a straight-jacket your silk suit and socks.

It’s a life-machine your sunglasses and phone.

And these corporations and families and babies everywhere

Just ripping at your hair, your skin, your eyes

Wanting more more more.

It’s a moment’s joy,

The shiny metal.

It’s a moment’s joy

That waiter bowing down

And it’s a just a damn moment’s delight

That piece of soft cloth covering your shame.

And more, till something better comes along

And you want that too.

And you’ll kill for it,

You’ll kill yourself slowly for it.

You’ll inject yourself with fakeness and smiles for it.

I’m no family person,

I don’t want that green lawn with a pretty house

And nasty kids running around happily.

I don’t want to feel safe.

I don’t want the pain.

Give me medicines to cure it,

Give me doctor to make me pretty.

Give me a body to feel warm at night.

Give me a sin to feel alive each day.

 Because this feeling of cold shiny metal lasts for a flicker.

But so does every damn thing else.

Why give up addictions?

Because nothing lasts in this flicker of a life.

I’m not a baby anymore.

I have different dreams now.

Give me sea, give me mountains.

No give me metal and plastic and jewels and toxins.

Give me more.

I want to rule the world,

I want the power and I want control.

I want the bending and the bowing

And the right to reject

I want the world in my palms

And I want to crush it with all my might.

Yes that’s what I want

And then maybe I’ll breathe for a minute.

Or maybe I won’t because

It’ll be over

I’ll be dead then.  

It is time

I don’t want to be fat anymore.

I don’t want to go out with any guys.

I just want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself.

I want to look beautiful and feel nice.

I am going to change.

It is time.

It is time.

Enough of these bad things

And the rebellion. 

I'm going to be with the good people,

I'm going to change,

It is time

It is time.  

I do

Hear me out. You need to hear this or read this or just simply, I think you really need to know this. I’ve been a drifter. That’s me, I drift….I was going about my life…drifting… And I would have probably destroyed myself, not felt anything that lasted for more than a few minutes…And then I met someone. I met you. I stopped drifting. It was fucking awesome while it lasted. I felt like I could just stare into your eyes forever and life would take care of itself. Mighty freaking stupid I know. Reality always hits you like a goddamn truck riding at 100 miles an hour. And it hurts like shit when you wake up. But it was just so complete when it was there. And the hardest part is that each time I’m more convinced than the last time that I’m over you, you hit me like a tornado I just fall back into your arms. And I’m peaceful there. You happened to me. I can’t change that. You can’t change that. I don’t know whether I’m supposed to love you or something. But it’s sort of a complete feeling I can’t explain when I’m with you. Our conversations stab like broken glass sometimes. But when you smile, I just see you. And I can’t see the world then. I can’t see any freaking thing else. And maybe someday I’m going to wake up and find you gone, forever. And no one’s going to be there to hold me as I fall. But today’s not that day. And I’m prepared. I’m prepared to carry on somehow. But it won’t be me. I’m weak with you. I’m ugly with you. But I can be. Because I know that you’ll see me as okay. You’ll find something pretty there that I can’t see. And I’ll be happy in that minute. I know you think you’re supposed to make me happy always or most of the time. But it’s okay. I don’t have to be. I know it’s worth the pain to see you smile. Because I’m at peace. I feel beautiful when I can make you smile. I feel beautiful when I can make you laugh. You can look at the TV all you want. You can call me stupid or dumb or ask me to stop writing. I’ll get by. But you’ve happened to me. And whatever this is, whatever you feel and whatever I feel, it makes me empty inside sometimes. I look back and I look ahead. And I know that it’s not all perfect. Things are messed up. And maybe they’ll never get better. Maybe you and I will just be a textbook case of a Romeo Juliet story that never worked out. But maybe… just maybe, there’s a chance. There’s a chance that you and I will be together again. And we’ll smile and laugh and live the most amazing life together, challenging each other, fulfilling each other… I’ll wait for that day. Yes. I will wait for that day. I believe it can happen. I do. 

Inner Peace

I could lift my head above the water, 

But I don’t need to,

The view is just fine from here,

And I’m breathing fast, but it’s okay

I’m not drowning for once, 

Rather floating in peace.

I’m not thinking about what happens next,

In a good way.   

I feel content in this moment

And for once, I don’t care if it lasts.

The chaos has paused,

Even if just for a minute

Po, tell me, is this inner peace? 

Swans vs. Ducks

When I was little, they used to call me beautiful. It’s funny, because isn’t the ugly duckling supposed to become a swan? Well folks, in some cases, the baby swan grows into an ugly duck. That’s me.

Large, pretty button eyes are now surrounded by dark, fluffy pillows. Chubby cheeks no longer matter because my skin’s not fair enough for people to admire. I’m not whining, I’m just saying that all this fake make-up and stampede to look the prettiest is getting to me. After so long, it’s finally getting to me.

My brain’s not a criteria to be loved and my kindness doesn’t merit a special date with someone I like. It’s strange, because I’m not attracted to six-pack abed, steroid guzzling, rabbit-food eating, gyming and Ray Ban-wearing hunks. Someone in simple clothing who can make me smile is all I want, and can’t get.

No one ever told us when we were kids that we better start exercising early, because once you cross over from teenage years, you’ll end up as a blob whom no one will really see as ‘attractive’.

I run away from the mirror, I run away from an idle mind. I love my food, I love my chicken. Hilarious, right? But is that so bad? Torturing my body at the gym, eating tasteless scraps of food and spending hours grooming myself; why do they expect this of me? And then to tolerate some idiotic Barbie yap on about how she’s lost half a kilo and her jeans is lose and how’s she’s so terribly tempted to eat the chocolate cake but she can’t.  Why?

This nonsense about beauty being skin deep seems to me like what ugly ducks tell themselves to feel better, or what those elite swans tell ugly ducks whom they pity. I’m not bitter, may I am a little bitter. I just don’t understand why I’m expected to feel good about myself when people don’t treat me that way. I mean, I’m human, right? If everyday you tell a person he’s stupid, chances are, after a while, he might actually start thinking he’s stupid. It’s true. Try it. Call it weakness, call it whatever you elite people call it. There’s only so much you can battle yourself. You want a break once in a while for heaven’s sake.

I’m tired. I just want some empathy. I don’t want the Dumb and Dumbers of the world drooling over me. I don’t want a thousand admirers or hundreds of friends who like my facebook statuses because they think I’m cute. I definitely don’t want affection from someone who doesn’t really care. No. I’m not that shallow. I just want someone with common sense to see I’m not so bad a person and I need lots of affection. No one understands that loneliness is not physical. The physical feeling is just a manifestation of the internal feeling. The real loneliness is psychological; the feeling that no one understands what we feel and that no one will ever bother to.    

I can claim the word for my own

I can say with pride that I live to tell the tales of when our lips met …And of the sweet devastation of belonging to you…And the helplessness of holding on to waves that crashed upon my shores. I can say with pride that I can love. But waves shall forever return to the sea where they belong.

You’re wise. And I’m stone on barren soils of existence, changing forever, yet staying the same. I’m setting out to write of love: the word I vehemently claim for my own before your critical eye.

I’m sorry I died. I never meant to take you from you, or steal the tender beauty from your eyes. Because once the stranger disappears from within me, the warmth returns and I see the almost smile on your face. In the calm crevices of a still heart, I see the birth of stars that promise life and peace. And in those moments I live a lifetime: a tale of you and me, meant to be. In those moments the poisonous chemicals I call doubt and fear and hatred cannot affect me. But they’re just moments, and what I feel is just a feeling.

If purity were the path to God, what would be the path to you? If only gentle fingertips could heal as the rain heals. If only soft breaths could heal like a cool summer breeze. I feel. But the feeling passes. I cannot hide from my demons. I can only face them when they wage war on me. I could breathe, I could live, and I could sleep, if you rested with me for a while. I wouldn’t leave; I wouldn’t be so empty, if you’d hold on. I’d hold on to you. I wouldn’t be inadequate. I wouldn’t be inappropriate. I would just dissolve into the air around you, and stay with you, and hold on to you.

But you’ll leave again. You will. I’ve lost you. Whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you whole; I bow down. Take my gift. Relish it. I can claim the word for my own before your critical eye. I am proud, but not mighty. You’re in my skin. You make me stronger, and I can kneel weakly before you when my battles are won. But you shall not accept it. Where shall I take this feeling? Will someone accept it?  

Talk to me

I get it.
You want to be alone,
You want to figure out life yourself,
You need to isolate yourself to think clearly,
You need to be free of distractions to understand what to do next. 
I get it. 


But you can't replace the personal connect. 
You could try talking to me like you're talking to yourself,
It'll be like I'm not even there. 
But I'm there,
For you. 


I won't take away your control,
I'll just share the responsibility of you having to take such a big decision all by yourself. 
That's it. 
I'm no replacement for your mind,
Just a bystander. 
Know what I mean?

Leap of Faith

Silence is my enemy.

If it appears and you leave,

I won’t be alive anymore,

And though I’ll live, I’d rather die.

Yet I’m tempted by the abyss of your mind

And the shadows it brings.

The promise of fruit makes beggars dance,

And me resist.

Every day I could impress upon you a million reasons

Were you not fasting so strictly from temptations.

So I know,

That when the time comes I’ll have my proof.

Your eyes will belong to me,

And I will extract my vengeance from them.

We will stand on the edge of that cliff

And jump into the valleys of eternity

That lie in crevices of our minds,

And the earth will move on unaffected

As the universe changes within us.  

That day, I will be fearless,

I will be fearless. 

Of Acceptance

Oceans mingle,

New colors born in their embrace.

I am me

And forever, understood in this moment.

I can safely melt into your waves

For eternity in this moment.

I can battle your eyes,

Gently with a smile

And rest calmly,

When you carry me to the shore.

I can build castles,

But you do not wash them away.

We build life in the sand

And the magic descends to rest in our abyss.

Sleep sweetness,

Rest in the beautiful ocean.

Sink peacefully in me

And drink the soothing acceptance.

I shall be still

The devastating hurricane cuts through the lands

Pure destruction in its intention.

But the gentle promise of peace

Is laid in dewdrops of divine scents.

The elusive hope of acceptance

And comfort from a power greater than fear or pain

Battles its way into the very core.

He holds my hand

But I do not feel his skin.

Only the scents calling upon me to be still,

Promising oneness.  

You live inside me,

In the dungeons of my disgrace

Calling upon me to be still

Promising oneness.

I seek your consent.

Let me hold on.

Be gone but I shall be still.

I am a reaction

But that is not my fate.

I wish those lines were written to me

I wish those lines were written to me

Then perhaps I’d stop running.

But perhaps I wouldn’t.

But I’d be less empty, not complete.

I wish those lines were written to me

Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so vain

As I do now.

A pond devoid of waves and movement.

I wish those lines were written to me

Then it might have been possible for me to be strong

And believe that roses are beautiful

And the mind is one.

Just a chance,

But a chance nonetheless,

Might there be of utter completeness

The sharp complete lines upon your face

The complete purity of your soul

I, complete.

But I do not dare to hope

Maimed from lying drunk in its false promises

I do not dare to ask

Yet I do.

I ask.

I wish those lines were written to me. 

Scents

Scents injected overwhelm these vestiges,

And words ensnare the dying mind

With an invitation of the deepest plunge

And the thrill of complete destruction.

His friends hold him too high in regard.

He’s just an imposter with tailored trousers and a bleached shirt.

Treading on the sheet of ice

And staring into the eyes of the black chasm,

I have all but forgotten his existence.

Dark are the intentions and darker still are the desires.

Floating softly as a wisp of virgin cotton

Sharply ripped by wind and lightning.

Eager as the viper seeking prey

Gasping for air after tasting the scents.

I am rid of him,

And gladly so.

I'll show you how to feel

The words are falling outside my window

Burying even the snow-covered paths.  

The words will never end

Because you’ll never end.

You’re gone.

You’re mine.

Why should I discard your pretty torture?

Abandon the wild pain your calm eyes stab me with – no.

You can’t love him like I love him,

You can’t burn with a smile on your face.

The night is strong, and it threatens to engulf

And drown me slowly with the cool winter wind.  

I’m learning ways of dying through the life you inflict,

The sweet, sweet, sweet stabs of life.

I can’t love you any more

But I think there’s still some more, a bit more I can love you.

So if these words hurt you, I’m sorry

Go be at peace with another, I’ll carry on somehow.

But just in case you want those pretty stabs too

I’ll show you how to feel.

And I’ll be tied up in a straitjacket while you watch me

Holding her hand and telling her how you loved her reflection.  

The waves carry it on

And as it swims with the current,

It drifts to unknown seas

Where danger surfaces with the surf.

But when it swims against the current,

It’s thrashed and smashed

And broken.

But it finds the way home.

It’s you.

Though castles on homely shores

Have been washed away.

Yet castles can be built again

And wooden logs can decay

Trees can shed their leaves and burn

While stones change shapes.

Home will be calm still

And soak you with peace that the waves washed away.  

Home will calm you

I promise. 

Upon Needing Others

Your Ray Ban sunglasses

And your Levi’s shirt, 

Aren't going to fill the void

And deliver peace to you. 

They’re just possessions. 

My mind longs for knowledge, 

And my heart for adventure.

Feeling the gush of wind in my hair

And the gentle hand of a friend. 

I envy you, 

But I pity you too.

For I wish you could feel what I feel, 

And maybe we’d be content. 

Different, so different

In our ways of life, 

Yet content. 

Running

You're racing with the wind 
Tearing through the world like a hurricane,
Terrible
And beautiful. 
So strong and so intense.
And I'm alone here again,
Wishing I was you. 


I'm running after you,
But I can't keep up.
I'm running up to you,
But I can't keep up. 
I'm running all this while for you,
But I can't keep up.
I can't keep up. 


The world's in awe of you
When you see it from my eyes.
And you're skin's just perfect, yes it is,
When you see it from my eyes.

I'm running after you,

But I can't keep up.

I'm running up to you,

But I can't keep up. 

I'm running all this while for you,

But I can't keep up.

I can't keep up. 

You're blinding light

You hurt my eyes, my soul, my body.

You're the eclipse

So beautiful.

The world's in awe of you

Everyone can see.

I'll never see again.

And I'm running after you

But I can't keep up.

I'm running up to you,

But I can't keep up. 

I'm running all this while for you,

But I can't keep up.

I can't keep up. 

No I just can't keep up.

Castles

You can build castles in the sand,
But don't expect them to last like the ones cast in concrete.

A Fool

Dear Avi,

This is a letter you might never read because I don't think you're ever going to ask me to come back to you... But it's okay... And just in case by some bizzare plan of fate we meet again, I'd want you to read this...

I can't come back to you. Too much has happened. Too much pain has passed. Your complete lack of understanding of things that tear my soul apart and wound my heart beyond repair is one reason. But it's not your fault. I still love you beyond compare. It's just that we're two very different people who can't understand or act upon to prevent what hurts the other. It's not worth the pain any more.... A guy said to me once that he would keep me so happy if I married him that I wouldn't ever need to even put a foot on the ground. He might have been lying. He might have been exaggerating. It doesn't really matter.

But don't misunderstand. I don't want some chutiya who'll wag his tail like a dog for me.. Definitely not...I just wanted someone who can love me like no one else... And sweetheart, no one seems to be able to beat you in that quarter.... But we just can't get along... And though I lost my heart on the way.... And I know I can't get it back.. I know we can't get back... I have to move on.... I have to grow up some day... And that day is today....

But don't ever think it's your fault. There's just no magic solution with which you or I will suddenly realize what to do to make the other happy. It's just reality. Cold, bitter reality. The sooner we face, the quicker we can move on...

So I can't come back to you... I can honestly say that I've never loved anyone so much in my life... And by some cruel coincidence of fate, never been hurt by that same person so much...unintentionally as it as... That is why I'll never blame you...It's more about my inability to remain happy with you rather than you being able to make me happy... And so, if I am hurt, I am the one to blame, not you...

It's amazing.. It's so horrific... I loved you with all my heart, soul, body and mind...

Truly,


Tami....

Leaves

I’m falling on to the damp earth

Parted from your branches

One by one.

It was one by one

That I became a part of you

And now you shed me unsympathetically.

It’s in your nature

I know.

But I’m lifeless,

Without your tender bows,

Holding on to me dearly.

And as I fall,

One by one,

You watch me grow paler,

And more brittle.

But you stand strong.

And empty.

And though I made you beautiful,

And gave you the hues of the sun.

You shed me still.

I do not know if I shall be born again

Or another shall take my place.

Only Spring will tell. 

Catch the Drift

Steal a bit of me.
Because I'm handing out precious treasures 
In return for love.


Don't believe, 
Just carry on
Through the pain
The confusion,
And the rain that burns in your eyes. 


I get lonelier
And emptier,
I think. 
But emptier still.
There's no magic eraser
To wipe out my unknown existence
And the scars.
And the screams,
There's no magic eraser.


Drift like a corpse
In the sea that's the world
Pale, 
Lifeless
Heartless. 
Till you sink to the bottom
Or get devoured by the monsters
Flesh-hungry monsters.
There's no magic wind
Coming to take you to the sky
Where those angels look down and smirk.


So carry on. 
Move on. 
Till you get your strength. 
Recover.
Hold on to this.
There's beauty the in abyss too,

Barren as it is.

My last letter to you

This is it. After all that’s said and done, the answer is clear to me. It was a fun little game to play & feelings were a casualty. I don't want to wallow in your memory & watch you flip sides each time. The game’s up, the end’s here & I’m the loser finally. You've got your gym, your booze, drunk friends and a lovely family, so enjoy these while they last. Please don't tell me how I should ‘chill’ & carry on with my life. Because I’ll be the best like I always was & I don't need your fake commentary. 

I'm hurt, very deeply & it’s not your fault. Don't blame yourself, because I don't. This pain is my punishment for loving selflessly and giving myself completely. I won’t go around, playing the victim this time round. Don't bother thinking I'll cut myself, because I'm better than that. I've learnt that I’m on my own. I always was & always will be. So, no thanks to you. Just goodbye, unsentimentally, goodbye. Stay away. I don't want you any more. I don't want you any more. I don't want you any more. 

In inspirational note by John Abraham

Talking about his love life, he said, “My past relationship (with Bipasha Basu) was beautiful and challenging and everything that a relationship with someone for several years is going to be. But people change, interests differ, and things evolve. There is a time for everything in life and while I value the time that I spent with her, it was also time to move on and for each of us to take our own separate road.

 

Regardless of what the world speculates about me, I am determined to move forward and overcome any challenges in front of me. I've always believed that all of us have a choice with how we respond to obstacles in our lives. We can be cowards and shrink from problems and pain or we can confront challenges with the determination to move forward in a positive and better frame of mind. I am excited to see where my life takes me, not only in my professional career, but also in my personal life.

True Power

I looked upon others to gain power
Till I found it in my conquered mind. 

Po

I just saw it,
The scars I never thought could fade...
They have faded...
I don't need these people any more. 
I choose to be better....
Yes Po...
I choose to  be better...

Hypocrites

Of all my travels from desert to desert

There was an oasis once in a while

Though mirages seemed to taunt and deceive

And claim beauty though they were barren inside

I survived.

And moved on.

And left the barrens behind. 

Wind

Restless currents rush to vacuous lands
It is in their nature. 

Special

What would a flower be

If none admired its scent?

Even the elfin shrub heals.

Could they find joy

From their reflections in the mirror?

Then why must I?

Sinking

It hurts
Deep.
Right here
Right now
When you're not there
When no one's there.

I don't want to know the reasons
Why you're not there
Why you're some where
I'm sinking
Your words so far away
Blurred by the water.

Right here
Right now
I don't feel happy.
I'm sick of the games
And blind faith
In your words and actions
The waters engulf
And I can't hear
I can't see.
You can't save me.
Maybe you didn't even ever want to....

Leaving

So it's my last day here.
It's awkward.
I'm sad it's over and  that I can't just do nonsense anymore.
It hurts.
I don't know why.
I don't regret but I think I'm sad that it's over.
Why am I so sad?
Is it because I'm giving up advertising?
It's hard.
But should I leave advertising?
What good will it do?
Can I live off someone else?
I know I can't?
But why am I sad?
I guess what I'm trying to do is keep writing because I don't know what to feel.
It's hurting that I  won't be able to do all this any more.
I wish I had some clarity.
He's right.
But should I let go of ----?
Opportunities do not knock on your door twice.
But it's so hard.
All the stuff I want I won't  be able to get.
All the things I want to do or give I won't be able to if I hang on.
What matters most in life?
You never know what happens, how things work out.
He said that  too.
It's also a lot about being at the right place at the right time isn't it?
So maybe God wanted it that way?
That sounds so crap and lame.
Sounds like a miserable excuse.
But honestly,
Believe me,
Honestly, it's the truth.

Chapped Lips

Chapped lips thirst,

Resisting the heat

And the troubles it brings. 

Seared into memory

So deep,

The intoxication of games and lies.

And words battling words

Endless battles. 

And the blood that remained. 

Carry me on

On a wave out in the sea.

Where I can be free

And pure as the surf

So white. 

Drifting on and on

In search of the horizon

And looking into the abyss. 

But take me away. 

You must. 

From these walls

That bury me deeper. 

Gods from the sea,

Throw a drop of water

Upon chapped lips.

An Answer to Pyar ka Punchnama

When you first met,
He’d never get his eyes of you
Accuse every guy you speak to of wanting to sleep with you
He’ll tell you stupid crap
About how he would go to the ends of the world for you
And when you need him
He’ll just bang his head and wish you were never born.



When you didn’t agree to go out with him
He’d pretend to be so caring
But the moment you accept him
His car or his friends suddenly become more important
He lurvessss them



Before he’d ditch his friends to come meet you
Now the only ditching will be on your part.
If you go out for a drink with friends
He’s up in arms.
If he dances naked with his friends cause he’s so drunk
It’s cool.
It’s guy fun.
If you just want a little attention from him
You’re a despo
If he wants ten girls rubbing up against him as his dream fantasy
He’s just being a normal guy.


If you feed him,
Take care of him
Listen to how there’s something missing in his life
Bear the farts.
Tolerate his absolute insistence that he can’t talk to you even if you’re in pain
Bear his lewd comments
Don’t even think you’ll ever be good enough for him.



When you go out with him he’s more interested in the cricket match
Probably trying to catch a peek of the cheerleaders
But when you spend hours trying to look good for him
He’ll just find the batting strokes more interesting.
If you ask why
You’re just a bitch ruining his ‘guy fun’.


When your work gets tiring and you want a break
He’s always busy with his boss.


Buddy if you call taking papers from one corner of the office to the other work, and signing a few jargon-filled files as serious business, or sucking up to boss fixing his phone and checking meters in a factory as a job – god help you.


When they smell like crap
You’re expected to kiss them
When they shout out abuses every second
You’re supposed to respect them
God forbid if you ask them to just look at you instead of the TV
They’ll think you’re a pain in the backside.


If you’re sexy
He’ll be talking about how every guy wants to sleep with you
If you’re sober
He’ll just get bored
If you try to be both
He’ll just want one.


If you just try to talk about his favourite movies or music
Or ask him his views on life or politics
He’ll ask you to shut up before you can complete a sentence.
If you last long enough
He’ll tell you that you just want to keep talking forever.
Forget about him bothering to notice.
He’ll just think you’re being too intellectual.
Later he’ll remind of you
Of how you don’t make an effort to understand him.
If you try talking to him about his problems
He’ll run away.
Tell you that you can’t do anything about them.
If you ask him to have an iota of common sense
He’ll laugh at you and tell you to make out.



He thinks sharing is for sissies
He thinks loving is for assholes
He thinks understanding is too complex
Well offcourse it is
He’s got the brain the size of pea
Cause he’d rather live in a cave.
With stinking socks.
And when he gets boils cause of his hygiene
Rather lack of it
You have to take care of him
Nurse him back to health
Listen to how much pain he is in every bloody day.
God forbid you tell him one day you cut your finger.
Forget sympathy,
He’ll think you’re being a drama queen.



Keeping a guy happy is a myth
He’ll always run after what he doesn’t have.
He’ll break her heart
And when she asks him to try a little harder
Like she does
To make him happy
He’ll say love is shit
And he isn’t happy.
Cause happiness should come naturally.
And then when he loses the girl who was waiting for him all along
He’ll come crying to her
To take him back.
When she says she’s moved on.
He’ll curse her
Call her names
And sleep with every girl he can
To make up for it.