Moron

When you suffer a loss of trust, you lose hope.
You think the world is out to get you.
You believe that God’s a mean kid trying to bully you.
You ask ‘why me’.
You tell yourself you’ve done all the good in the world.
And you’re the little piggy who’s house the big bad wolf is trying to tear down.
Shut it.
Move on.
Nobody gives a rot about your problems.
Be happy.
You ARE alone.
The world IS out to get you.
And it’s probably because you’re doing something moronic you shouldn’t be doing.
It’s not ‘trusting people’.
It’s something else.
Look inside, instead of blaming others.

Mixed Thoughts

I know you won't pick up
But I thought you might read.
So, I thought I'd try.
What's the worst that could happen?

I see your name every where.
In the brands I work on.
In my mind.
On the television.
On the phone.
In my thoughts.
On the computer.
In my words.

I watched Harry Potter.
I read it all over again.
I wondered if they fought so much
Misunderstood each other
Shouted at each other.
But still always pulled through.
And laughed about it later.
Then would we too laugh about this some day.

I'd give a lot to see you really smile.
I just thought if I'd ever produce the patronus charm
I would remember
When you laughed and told me that I eat like a child.
And when you said you would rather inject medicine than add sugar.

It hurts
That I can't talk to you.
But what hurts more is not knowing.
But I remind myself that you're not me
That you're Chris.
And you need this distance.
You're happy.
You'll take care of yourself.
You'll be okay.
But I'm scared you'll go so far away
That there won't be a path of return.
But at least you'll be happy.

But I breathe.
And I remember you talked to me every night.
For a while.
I don't know why you did it.
But I know I must have meant something in your life.
And when you shouted at me.
I must have meant something in your life.
Not much.
But something.

You'll come back soon.
The light always comes back.
Suffering ends if you hold on to what's good.
You'll come back soon.

Pleas

If you never wish to speak to me again, I'll understand.
But I just wanted to know to know if you're okay.
The silly overprotective kid in me just can't resist trying again.

I wonder at times if you're okay.
I think about what you might be doing.
Which brands you're working on.
What lines you might be writing.
And if I made you read my work, what you would say.

I wonder if you're angry.
I wonder if you have a problem.
If you're in crisis.
Or if you feel alone.
Though something inside me says that you're way too strong
For all of this.
But something deeper says...
Let me see if he might need me.
My mind says I'm too stupid for you to ever need my friendship.
But my heart says pure intentions are always understood.

I don't know if words can overcome the toughest things in life.
But the emotions behind those words can be felt.
I wish you felt what I felt.
Then you'd know how I see you through my eyes.
Then maybe you'd see I'm not so bad as my actions might suggest.
I know actions speak louder than words.
But listen to my words once again.
I know it.
I believe it.
My words are my actions.
And they both say the same.
I wish you're happy.
Where ever you are.
With or without me.

Moronic Ideas

I die a lonely death each night,
There is just hope of morning light.
I know I have more love to give,
It's so hard, I don't want to live.

I never will

I don’t have friends.
If I ever did, I succeeded in losing them.
If you’re one of them who’s still around, wait a little while longer.
I’m sure I’ll do something to screw it up.
They say I expect too much,
But I say I give more than I expect.
They say I lose my temper,
But I say I lose it only 2 times out of 10
They say I don’t try hard enough,
But I say, look inside, I fight my inner demons every moment.
I don’t have friends because I want to talk for hours.
I don’t have friends because I’m honest about the way I feel.
I don’t have friends because I’m self-obsessed.

I don’t know how to pick up the phone and convince you to come back.
I don’t know how to just hug you and make you feel what I feel for you.
I don’t have friends.
If I ever will, I’ll succeed in losing them.
I’m not asking for your sympathy,
Keep it for yourself.
I’m not asking for your anger,
I have my own to deal with.
I’m just writing to say
I don’t have friends.
I never will.
It pains too much when they leave.
It pains too much when they forget every moment spent together.
It pains too much when they forget that they said they’d always be there.
It pains too much when they say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.
It kills me when they leave.
I give a part of me to them
And they leave.
When I need them.
I don’t have friends.
I never will.
Pieces of me out there in the world.
Living on, without me.
I don’t have friends.
I never will.

He left for good..

He's gone again.
For good.
I think.

He says it was a difficult decision to leave me.
Indeed.
It is the same for me..
It was a difficult decision to leave me.

Call it death.
Call it new life.
Call it pity.
Call it whatever you want.

I just wanted to let you know
That I know what it means now
To be happy when someone else is happy.
It's strange how words come back to bite.
You realize it's love when you lose it.

My fancy notions of love,
Those two conditions
Failed.
This is love
It's not pathetic
It is love.
Because nothing has melted this stone
Nothing has made me so unselfish.
I just want to see him smile.

If he smiles without me
If he explores the deepest chasms of his soul without me
If he is fulfiled without me
Then so be it.

I know not if I will write
Because I wrote to bring him back
But I don't want him to come back
But I want him to come back
Only if he will be happy.

I just want to see him happy.
Even if it is without me.

Move on

No snow-peaked mountains,
Just cold white light.
No warm summer heat
To dry soft, wet bricks.
Set sharp eyes upon that wind,
And see that it’s not strong.
Spot its imperfections
And bottle it up for long.
Then set it free some day.
But it pains,
It pains, your reigns
Hold on, hold me on.

Is it just another house on the street?
Made of bricks and mortar.
To be broken again
And again.
Confide, confine
This emotion, many an emotion
Cannot be contained.

Play on, soothing song.
Washed up on the white beaches
Drenched in salt
For infinity.