Fictional Love

Fighting the tears back, I anxiously wait,
Praying that all will turn out to be great.
It is my chance to show that I am more,
And that pain is something I can endure.

I wish I was not so jealous for his attention,
It might end all the animosity and tension.
But how can one avoid love to the point of obsession?
Our love story sounds perfect for a work of fiction.

Ek dost ne kaha...

Kuch dur chalne pe ahsaas hua…
Ki kya main kuch bhul aaya hun…
Haan dhara to saath hai mere …
Par kya vyom kahin bhul aaya hun…
Vicharon kea jab manthan ke baad sochta hun punah…
Ki kshitij ke band talon ke bheetar main utar paata anttah..
Chal kapat aur andhakaar mein lipt rehta hun magar…
Ki aaj bhi main sach ujaala hi dhoondhta hun har jagah…
Har or dekha aur dekha aur anttah yahi ha paaya…
Haan dur nahi hai mitron lo ab “parlay hai aaya”…
Mrityu aur sangharsh se jhujhte logon se pucho…
Ki jeevan khud kahe jo le lo mujhko to kya jiyoge tum ye socho…
Khun hi hai aur raktstrav hai har or…
Ghum li charon dishaayein aur paaya kolahal har or…
Maut ko kareeb laati aatank ki ye majboot dor…

What is wrong with me?---Epitomy of pathetic poetry....i need inspiration besides the tears..

The more I run away away from him,
The faster I want to run back.
The more I promise not to speak to him,
The more I realize what I lack.

The more I think I will not cry,
The heavier the tears become.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why cannot I become numb?

Losers of the World Unite!!

Waiting anxiously as my world falls apart,
I'm smiling like a retard about to fart.
I'm a nervous wreck in utter ruins like Greece,
And I'm running around as if I'm wanted by police.

You can fool a fool with foolish tricks,
So for a fool like me nine is six.
Look at my teeth so golden white,
I can break yours in a cat fight.

Yeah sure I can solve a puzzle or two,
Why do people look at me as if I'm poo?
I love my pink and my white and black,
Come on world cut us losers some slack!

Follow

I would empty my soul at this moment,
Of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats,
I would follow your soul as it leads.

Passionate Nights...discretion advised

Innocent guy of my dreams,
Life is not what it seems.
Let me grant you what you desire,
A deadly kiss or the skin you admire.

Let me love you till you forget the pain,
Let me love you till you go insane.
Let me remind you of that passionate night,
When we lay so close in the candle light.

Mon Amour

On the misty peak of a distant mountain,
Where dreams of the soul unfold,
Where the dew of a pale winter morning,
Lies glowing upon the white gold.
There, upon the shimmering crown,
There, where there is only renown,
Where touching the sky is not absurd,
And the heart hums as a humming bird.
There shall I be forever more,
Stay with me there, mon amour.

The Heart is Changed

In the dim light of a desolate room
I anxiously wait for his call.
I could be out somewhere,
Committing the atrocities I would earlier,
But the heart is changed.

The intoxication of cigarettes and alcohol
To while away the pain
Is tempting,
Very tempting indeed,
And those who offer this lifestyle are plenty.
But the heart is changed.

The objects of my torture,
Those glimmering sharp objects
Call sweetly and gently to me.
I would never hesitate.
I would never think twice.
But the heart is changed.

The heart has changed,
Sometimes I wish it had not.
For I would not then be in such a dichotomy,
So conflicted from within.
I would not have tasted the bitter loneliness.
But the heart is changed.
The heart is changed.

Fatal Attempts at Prose

My friends ask me why I seem so sad all the time! Strange! I'm almost glad they noticed, at least somebody did! They say I've changed, and I mockingly ask them, "Besides the fact that I've put on a dozen kilos and stopped wearing make-up?". They all seem to think that the change is more prolific than that. They ask inquisitively of the reasons for this change, quick to point out how happy to go lucky a person I was. And I am quick to remind them that I still am, but perhaps I have grown more accustomed to being silent instead of always having something to say, as if always in my world thinking of something. I also point out that my final year in college has gotten the best of me- I have been bogged down with the hectic timetable, the annoying teachers and of course, the nightmare of CAT. I hear in retort that a lot of people have the same worries but none have changed as drastically as me.

My mind ponders over to Avi, wondering how I can ever tell them that I have seen the bottom of the pool of death and have swum back up, and how I have lost the most precious person in my life as a result of my mistakes. They sense I have gone into deep thought again and point out that even though I have many problems to face, it does not necessitate me becoming gloomy and pensive so suddenly. They almost pester me to return to my 'worldly' ways. I look down, and sitting on the floor, I realize how life has brought me to the ground from such heights. I realize that I can never truly make up for my mistakes, but somehow I feel liberated, because no matter if the world, or rather, my dear Avi, understands this or not, I have, unequivocally, changed.

I know this not because I am gloomy all the time and have changed the people I associate with, but because I appreciate the consequences of my actions. The more I think about my mistakes and the smear campaign launched against me, the more I feel a murderous instinct within me. But that is not the point, the point is that I know now, it is not just a phrase, "As you sow, so shall you reap.".

Alone

Purity once had a name,
And love once had a face.
Life once had a meaning,
And once I was safe.
Once there was joy,
And once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive,
And once I had another half.
Once I shared his love,
Once I was by his side,
Once I felt I fitted,
So quickly that died.
His strength was so great,
His generosity so vast,
All I ever wanted,
Was for it to last.
Fate maybe had another plan,
Because it all fell apart,
The hand too big for the glove.
Now it's all died away,
Happiness, joy, love; all memories.
Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world,
With no light to guide my way.

Tears

Laughing.
At my jokes.
Screaming.
Crying.
Inside of me.
Having fun with my friends.
Streams of tears drip down my heart.
I smile when I see you.
You smile when you see me.
I bleed when I see you.
You smile when you see me.
Screaming.
Crying.
Inside.
Laughing.
Smiling.
Goodbye.

The End

He no longer has a heart,
For this is how he dealt with the pain.
He is dead,
And soon I shall be too.
The journey is drawing to a close,
It ends this night.

Promised Love

In the deathly darkness of the night,
The fingers struggle to scribble.
The bruised skin contradicting the mind,
But not the heart.

Love is not what it was once upon a time,
It has been lost to the cruelty of the world.
And whence the tears never came,
Now burns with salty droplets.

Let the revelation come,
Let the body be undone,
As it begs to be ridden,
From the painful reality.

Let the wolves cry in the night,
For a child has died,
A child promised love,
A child promised love....

The time is not far

The mirror reflects a sickly face,
Paled by the tides of life,
A heart, twisted by poisonous love,
And skin, scarred by sins.

Look to the skies for mercy,
And receive stones of vengence.
For the time is not far,
When the ultimate sacrifice will be made.

Mistakes...

I love you more than I have ever known,
Those puffy lips,
Those mischievous eyes,
You made my heart melt,
Then boil into a roaring fire,
I now know,
What my eyes could not see,
You are the only one for me.

Every night those tears flow,
Being alone without anyone,
Anyone to care about me,
I look at the sky and know
The many mistakes I made,
Shall never be forgiven.

Waiting...

Time clicks as I await,
The hour ends before my take,
Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes..

The day grows old as night approaches,
Wolves crying, dogs howling; anticipating,
Watching, staring, seeing..nothing..

Silence begins the day,
As morning comes without notice,
Tears begin to fall, slowly...

The day moves on without hope,
Wishing to be what is not to be,

The sun moves to its peak,
Without a whisper or retreat,

Time moving, but still empty,
Stomach aching, curling,
Still waiting..............

Vernian Guilt

Like the waters that carve the gorges in rocks,
The tears cut through the soft cheeks, gashing them,
Leaving behind salty traces of muffled cries.

And like Vernian worlds,
The guilt finds its way to the core;
Not in an abyss of abundance, but pain.

Hidden Meanings....

It has become too dark to see the stars,
The menacing clouds have had their way.
The moon struggles to be complete again,
But like love it dies at the light of day.

Dil hai to pyar do

Manana hai is ruthe dil ko,
Pyar ki dua hai to pyar do.
Ashkon ka chor do saath,
Khushi ka thaam lo haanth.

Sazaa dena tumhara farz nahi,
Chahe jisne jo baat kahi.
Dil hai to pyaar do,
Chahe aashiq dushvaar ho.

A Message From God

God took my hand and said,
"Love if you want to be loved.
Let the hate never enter you,
For it will destroy you.
Those who see such tumultuous times,
All wish it was otherwise.
But did you not preach that,
Things worth having are tested by such times.
You run away from the responsibility,
Of facing the hardships ahead,
But you must face them head on",
You have miles to go before bed.

Gaye Woh Din

Zubaan bhool gayi mithaas,
Ab ashkon ka hai rukha swaad.
Haanth bhool gaye woh narmi,
Pyar na raha unke darmiyaan mein.

Lost Love

The most precious love,
Lost because of fault,
Is it not enough to repent?
Apparently it is not!

The Night

Where are the smiles that shone upon the face?
They have disappeared with the storm.
The moonlight does not abandon the moon,
Even though it disappears for a while.
For it knows the moon shall return.
Deep in the night when all is silent,
Come back to me,
And say my love is true.

The crucial question...

Everything will end if I fail,
But will I succeed if I persist?

I do not know

Lost in the edges of time,
I know not where I go.
How will the hate ever end?
I admit I do not know.

Strange Responses

It is strange that the closer you are,
The more my heart wishes otherwise.
Yet when you are not near but far,
I wish I could see you with my eyes.

The Greatest Battle

The greatest battle is with the self,
And that must be fought alone.
No one can lend a helping hand,
You cannot escape the unknown.

Burned Away

Questions remain unanswered,
And life has been put on hold.
Has the love that once was,
Burned away like kings of old?

Alone

It is terrifying to be alone,
But alone is what I must be,
For I cannot make him happy.

Bulimia

With endless cramps convoluting about,
Blistering bitterness is blurted out.
I gag my so-called sins in doubt.

In the nightmare I see fantasy.
In tortuous pain I feel ecstasy.
Someday I'll become what they want me to be.

lost...

my only prayer from now shall be,
i hope that deaths finds me quickly.

Heroes

Heroes are not made by the acts they do,
But by those that they do not.
For easy it is to betray when betrayed,
And to hurt another, when you have been hurt.

But try to bring a smile to the person who breaks your heart,
And be kind to one who has insulted you..

And you will find that you have changed...
You have changed into a H.........