I love you Avi- The world now knows

I'm happy today,
Mom smiles away,
We sing your name,
We play songs again.

You're in my life again,
It's so beautifully insane,
I love you so very much,
Thank you dear so much.

There's hope all around,
We'll make it somehow.
I know our love will end never,
We'll live happily together forever.

You're in my life today,
I'll smile and play,
I'll marry you one day for sure,
You're mine and I'm yours forevermore.....

Birthday Jitters

One and a half hours to go,
Till finally i get to know,
Whether I continue miserably
Or have a ever after happily.

There is no way you can read this right now,
But if you could read it some how,
I'd tell you that I love you truly,
And I'll wait for you till eternity.

I would also cry and cry till I fainted,
My heart is pure but my body is tainted.
I want marry you and be your wife,
Please tell me I am and save my life.

Counting drops of rain and grains of sand.....

So here I am again,
Counting the drops of rain.

You are the one who inspires me,
You're the white light I wake up and see.

I pray to you for strength to face life,
I look at your pictures and take on strife.

I sing songs hoping you'll hear my voice,
And grant me the wishes of my choice.

I am still weak, but stronger to prove something,
I still weep, and besides you I'm scared of nothing.

You taught me the subtleties of simplicity,
And the reward of hard labor implicitly.

All men seek to unite with God in Heaven,
You're my God, forgive my sins and let me pass through the Gates of Heaven.

If you feel you're not strong enough,
I'll die, not blackmailing, not a bluff.

Not physically perhaps, yes maybe,
You're the island, and this life is the sea,

I will try not to drown,
But the sharks are pulling me down.

I do not ask you to rescue me at the risk of your own life
It is up to you to decide if I am, or I am not your wife.

i see the world through your eyes now....to some extent...

If you say no then I'll need a miracle to save me- No blackmailing, just too much loss and guilt to bear..

I close my eyes
And I see your smiling face.
My instinct defies
Every decision I take.

I am so scared, so scared, so scared,
Of hurting your happiness.
I couldn't call you even if I dared,
No matter how much I miss your warmth.

"Love me one last time", I will say,
And the decision will be yours.
If you think there is no way,
I'll accept your decision gracefully and never see another day....

You Think I'm Fucking Around??

Burning slowly from your touch,
Softly writhing within so much.

Take me deep,
I am asleep.

Waking up everyday to your name,
Fuck it if you think it's a game.

Who gives a fuck, just kill me,
You're my life can't you fucking see!

You're oxygen, and I'm anemic,
Love me, heal me, I'm sick.

Cheesy Just for You...

I'm doing what I always wanted to do,
But life is so empty without you.

There isn't a moments rest from your memory,
I cannot escape it or dodge it cleverly.

The world is a cruel place to live in,
But you're my yang and I'm your yin.

WARNING:-If you are not AVI don't read

Rape me, rape me to your heart's desire.
I ache for the pain, I burn in the fire.

The day draws nearer when I will hear your voice,
And you are going to make the ultimate choice.

I will live long I know for sure,
I'll degrade myself, I'll be your whore.

Death

I saw death pass by my door today
And i coughed out blood.
Tears fell after eternity in such array
I tasted the bitter cud.

My Heart is Not Made of Tin

I long to hear your voice again,
And the thumping of your feet.
Every smile is a feign,
I miss your yellow teeth.

Have I burned my bridges I wonder,
Come back now, my love.
As unforgivable is my blunder,
You know we're made from above.

I'm a changed girl, you'll see,
I've shed the fake skin.
Please darling, come back to me,
My heart is not made of tin!

A pathetic attempt at writing

today was first day at work.
did some mistakes,
did some things right..

there is not a joule of energy left,
yet i am cursed to write,
tears of blood fall
i have to write.
redeem myself,
i have to write.
i love you so much
i have to write
take me back,
i have to write,
don't take me back
i have to write.

i want to die,
but i have to write...

Bleed

I'll write, I'll write until my fingers bleed, and even after that I'll keep on writing.

There will be no day,
When my sins are washed away.
There will be no breath,
Which isn't of regret.

I'll savor my pain,
And live in disdain.
I'll wait for you forever,
Till the day we're back together.

You're so fucking special-- your songs make me cry

You're so fucking special,
I can't tell you even if I die.
You're the reason I'm alive,
God kill me if I lie.

You're so fucking special,
You taught me how to live.
I was the creep with false pride,
I've learned how to give.

You're so fucking special,
I dream of seeing you again.
I can't breathe when I miss you,
Don't ever be so mistaken-
You're so fucking special,
So very special....

Memories- read at your own risk...

I went to that place today,
Where we made love for the first time.
The carnal desires burnt inside,
I kept wondering if it was a sign.

When I fed you those cold morsels steaming,
And lay in your arms asleep,
How dare I touch another man's lips,
I'll slash my throat and slit my wrists.

Every breath is torture for me,
But I live every moment for you,
Praying that I do so much good one day,
That there are no bad memories to renew.

More anger- more bewilderment

It is strange that hope suffocates me,
Why don't I take the easy way out?
Damn this goddamn curiosity,
Everything around me I flout!

A tough day-full of bad memories

Each breath is heavy from the guilt now due,
And regret runs deep in my veins.
What present can I live in,
When my universe is built around you?

Hope's Substitute

The time clicks un-rhythmically
It is not the fault of the clock.

The eyes see better when they are closed,
And the heartbeat is uncontrolled.

Strip away the Will, slowly,
And lies there naked, Curiosity.

"What is it you want?", it asks,
And Will says "Only You".

A Poet at Heart- My poem for today

My bloodstained lips that touched yours once,
Now rip my flesh apart.
It is strange that I feel so much pain inside,
I never knew I had a heart.

My mind drifts and eyes blur,
Even medicine cannot stop its flow.
The tears crash against the eyes,
But can never fall below.

It does not hurt to be alone,
As much does my betrayal.
Why cannot I take it back,
The silent sobs prevail.

Welcome

So here I am again, a loser, a lier; a selfish sadist whose looking for the easy way out. But not so much now as I was before. "Do you believe in life after love?" asked Cher, and the only thing I can say is that i'm waiting hopefully that a day will come when the nightmare is over, and we will move past the things that haunt us, to a place which we have built because of what happened, but a place that will not haunt us. Lost already?

The clock ticks further and the final exam draws nearer, but i can feel no heartbeat racing, no nervousness setting in. All i feel is the emptiness in the pit of my stomach, like loss, and no matter how much i eat, it can never be filled.

I'm on prozac and sometimes my brain just becomes numb, like neurons dying. There are times when something someone says angers me to the point of suicide, i'm stilled confused about this word, and there is music, the once loved beat now calls me to the window and no tears fall even though i want them to.

Depressed maniac, you say? Maybe!

I'll tell you about my intelligence another time!!