pata nahi tha ki khuda yoon hi meri khwashiein baant raha hai
warna duniya ke har dil ko paane ki muraad hi kar li hoti
Thursday, October 8
Tuesday, October 6
First Love
it was a child's love
holding hands like
the space between our fingers
would bond our souls tighter
lips touching and melting
not knowing what more
could make our hearts beat faster
handcrafting gifts
that would reflect our intentions
of going to the world's end
for each other
restless after every fight
wanting to make it right
but knowing space is what we needed
giving in, professing love
heaving sighs of relief
and feeling like the world was right again
growing up
learning ways of the world
what strangers taught us
alcohol and attention
freedom and choice
realizing that hugs stopped feeling as warm
wanting things that were different
but overthinking ways to make
things work with each other
kisses now flavored with whisky
silence comforting but sometimes not
anger and pain so intense
that the other couldn't see you, the real you
friends and bosses with mismatched ideas
we held hands, but the space between our fingers
no longer needed to be filled
recognizing that the we'd come too far
to let it all go, but giving up anyway
because a child's love
though what i want again
ran out that day
when i understood that there was only you
and no me, in the future
that we would have built.
Monday, October 5
Dating
swipe left
swipe left some more
and a bit more
the perfect waist
and angel smile
you're looking for
doesn't exist
easy to talk to
adventurous as you
but just enough
no she's not real
an ocean's there, yes
so many exciting views
and exotic escapes
the chase
aah the chase
is so satisfying
the nerves, the butterflies
and then when its done
it's an empty feeling
like another checkbox
ticked, done
there's a word we've forgotten
no, it's not love
that we'll never forget
because what we seek
is seeking us, isn't it
well, i don't think it is
but in this abyss of choice
the one word we forget
is human
what it means to be human
the feeling of connection
mixed with the mundane
instant gratification
an is addiction now
everyone gets theirs
why not me
and then resentment sets in
because nothing seems
to fill that void
so swipe left
swipe some more
and a little bit more
to feel alive
when i all i feel inside
is the opposite
The Reality of Love
i'm excited by the possibility of love
and drowned by the failures behind me
when i sit alone in my room
i wonder and i wonder
the reasons for each broken heart
what was me
and what was them
and then before my heart threatens
to beat out of my broken rib cage
i take a breath
and lie convincingly to myself
that i'm pretty
and that someone will love me
for me
and drowned by the failures behind me
when i sit alone in my room
i wonder and i wonder
the reasons for each broken heart
what was me
and what was them
and then before my heart threatens
to beat out of my broken rib cage
i take a breath
and lie convincingly to myself
that i'm pretty
and that someone will love me
for me
i look around and try
try to be grateful
for all that i have
but often it just feels
not enough
not enough to hold me together
when i'm alone
pitying myself for being alone
and then anger erupts
you're not supposed to feel sorry for yourself
no, that's not what strong people do
the thing is
i'm not one of them
i try and i try
but i can't find it in me
to be that way
try to be grateful
for all that i have
but often it just feels
not enough
not enough to hold me together
when i'm alone
pitying myself for being alone
and then anger erupts
you're not supposed to feel sorry for yourself
no, that's not what strong people do
the thing is
i'm not one of them
i try and i try
but i can't find it in me
to be that way
i wish i could divorce the child in my head
that craves for love
to be held
safely
but the world's not safe
never was
never will be
and i will never be more than
a million pieces
shabbily glued together
ready to break
any second
that craves for love
to be held
safely
but the world's not safe
never was
never will be
and i will never be more than
a million pieces
shabbily glued together
ready to break
any second
Thursday, October 1
What's the Word
i’m a word, some call me jibber, some call me jabber
but every word must have a meaning
mine is just a little more elusive than others
Feeling Blue
truly strange times these are – when i feel like meeting someone
and no one at the same time
Demons
the dark parts - i tried to hide them, then treat them
but in the end, i realized i’d have to live with them
Feeling Complete
the hardest thing to accept was that i may never
feel complete because i was never meant to
World Stop It - Society
stop trying to get me
to make peace with systems
that rob me of me
stop trying to convince me
that traditions too are rational
gift yourself some context
and get a translator for my competence
i’m done trying to appeal
to your better angels
perhaps its time to evoke something else
World Stop It - Religion
stop telling me
how your morals make you pure
stop lying to yourself
that religion brings us peace
that true love only happens
between one man and one woman
take my lenses to see
that society is most concerned
not with the wellbeing of a child
but a woman having a child out of wedlock
so far we’ve come
since we stepped on the moon
World Stop It - Beauty
stop equating my belly fat
to the extent of my self worth
direct your assumptions on my confidence
to a mathematician who can
tell you how flawed they are
stop trying to convince me
that a BMI of 24 should be my life’s goal
and physically fit people are happiest
i dare you to look in their eyes
and tell me if that’s true
World Stop It - Success
stop telling me
that the definition of success
is my startup’s valuation
and my photo in Times 40 under 40
stop telling me that
an idea is worthless
unless it rakes in millions
to make the richest people richer
while it is all but deformed
to meet your insatiable desire
for wealth and wealth and wealth
World Stop It - Marriage & Children
stop telling me
my life is incomplete
without a man and a child
stop equating my feelings of loss
to the absence of those
who don’t even exist
redirect your pity
to the person in the mirror
and stop seeking in me
the purpose of your life
because that’s not where you will find it
World Stop It - Things
stop trying to sell me things
that i don’t need
with money
that i don’t have
to fix problems
that you invented
Loving You
no i do not love you
when you least deserve it
and you may think i deny you
to save or preserve it
no i do not love you
when you hide your pain
when you act irrational
or show me you’re vain
if love was a choice, then yes
i would never love you
but not just in these moments
in each one i breathe too
i truly, madly, deeply, love you
As the Moon
like the moon
we live our lives in parts
sometimes in full
and sometimes in halves
but on that one fixed day
the moon must disappear
and crescent by crescent
earn back its full sphere
yet only when it’s unseen
the moon is called new
because only utter darkness
can shed all that’s untrue
New Journeys
does the outcome scare you
or the journey itself
divorce the fear
embrace the excitement
break up with anxiety
much like your ex
it won’t do you any good
accept the concern
and channel it
to carry you across
the desert that lies ahead
countless have failed
and many succeeded too
but it was theirs to own
and theirs to learn from
Confronting Childhood
i spoke to her
the seven year old me
and as she smiled
and looked upon me
with innocent curiosity
wondering why i’d
called her back
i blubbered
and wailed
i couldn’t even tell her
that it’s going to be okay
i couldn’t even say
those three words
every child
deserves to hear
Addicted to Winning
the thing about winning
is that after a while
you want the win
more than the reward
Brilliant Minds
i worship minds
but minds you see
have the power
to deceive
rationality
is overrated
stop feeling
berated
all the time
you think
people hide
in cloaks of wisdom
are actually
just on the verge
of breaking when faced
with the loss
of their reality
The Bridge
the bridge is broke
between your hope
and my reality
the last hour spent
on my lament
yet you show no mercy
Giving Up
how many times
will you break me
hit me with
one more rock bottom
and forsake me
crash on to me
harsh wave after wave
add another burden
on tired shoulders
that they can’t take
how many times
will you wake me
from one nightmare
to take me to the next
tell me now so i know
when to stop trying
to get back up again
Getting Over You
i have no energy
in my bones
to fight anymore
the temptation
to say that
i’m over you
never was
never can be
Breaking Up
as a rose blooms
so did our love
and though wind, rain and time
shed a few petals
it was you and me
that picked apart
each petal and every leaf
till nothing was left
but thorns
Without Your Love
i may empty this heart
and i may spend my soul
but without your love
i’ll never be whole
Dumped
hurt me more
i’m just
another toy
a silly girl
in love
with a boy
i’m not the one
but i’m sure
you’ll find
a less broken me
and then
leave me behind
Torn apart
the world’s picking away parts of me
and all I can do
is to hand them away wrapped in a ribbon
with a smile
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