Sculptor of Reality

To think that when I look at all the stars in the sky,

And realize they may have died countless years ago

As I sit on a puddle of earth admiring their faded glory,

Wondering if I could match their light.

To look upon the endless desert sands that have consumed the earth,

And ask myself if this existence has consumed the spark of life and mind

I am not very proud or boastful now.

Yet my eyes stray back to the skies, the endless expanse that lies before me

And I make shapes and patterns of messages left behind

And try to carve sense where perhaps there is none.

But what else to do with the sculpture's mind except

Mold a convenient, pretty reality.

At the top

I ask for the perfect warm days caressed by soft winds,
Birds twittering away as the sun's omnipresence envelops my senses,
The smell of freshly-mowed grass and the perfect RGB of flowers
And a cup of sweet tea and oven-baked pies.

Perhaps I would have still lusted for these as I do now
And successfully battled unpleasant sprees.
But the ache is too pronounced to ignore,
I can call it nobleness to not give up what is precious
Or cowardice to hold on to what is truly not.

There is no mistaking the hollowness,
Like a snake's pit; and too much rain has clogged it
Forcing it to take to the world
Watch under your feet, look here, there, everywhere
And run back inside where you are safe.

No. No, the world does not run on whimsies,
And I am not as brave or high as they conclude.
I want my green trees and the knees of lesser ones
And for it, let's burn some pleasures in the sacrificial fires
As we pray to the demons to absolve us. 

Emotions

The less I feel, the better I feel.

Will to Achieve

I've never been farther from the sun, yet it seems so close that I can touch it.
But I know this of me, I can taste the white-hot rays and they burn me.

Will

I am not dead,
How did I grow up? How did I survive?
It was not a magic potion called age.
It was not your caustic words that extracted wisdom from me.
It was just the will to survive through all the odds.

I am you and you are me

You will live a beautiful life. You may not realise it, I feel bad. But if you do, you will see the beauty that is not bound by a 24 inch waist and fair skin. You will not see the Mercedes in the backyard and the As in my resume. You will not see the tags plastered to my bags, glasses, clothes, watches and skin. You will not see the salads I eat or the company I keep or the drinks that strangers buy for me.

You will see the bare truth. The beauty of a connection. You will feel awe for the human spirit. You will feel like there is a world between us and then that there is nothing there between us. You will feel that you are a particle of light and there are millions of particles around us, floating in the air, touching us, but not bright, just soothing light. 

You will feel that nothing matters, except this connection. You are me and I am you. And I have forgiven you. You and I will go our separate ways, it may be this way. But you will always be me and I will always be you. I am not better than someone because I have a better resume. I am not better than someone because I have a prettier face. I am not better than someone because I have taken better decisions in my life. I am not better than someone because I have a bigger car or I can multiply numbers faster. I am you and you are me. I owe you nothing, and you owe me nothing. But you are me and I am you. 

If you understand this, you will see that emotion is beautiful, but that is not what you feel. You feel a heaviness inside your centre and you cannot cry or feel anger or pain. Just heaviness, but it is lifted. You can be what you want to be. Limits cannot stop you, limits are axioms and the theorem is for you to make. Limits are what you let them be. If you let them be, they can be infinite. If you do not let them be, they do not exist. 

Nature inspires physicists and mathematicians and artists and criminals alike. You are not better if you are one and not the other. But you are you, and your happiness is what you make of it. Surround yourself with happiness and challenge yourself to do more and you may still never be happy. But that heaviness in your centre, will lift you. You will rise, from ashes, from dust, from mud, from hell. Because I am you and you are me. 

Your words

I want to write this down, because I want to remember what I mean to you.
You said,
"Your dad drinks not because of any other reason, but because he is ashamed of you, your brother and your mother, seeing what you are"
"You are a loser. You don't respect your father. But I think your brother respects him."
"You, your brother both are losers. You have wasted your lives. Brought shame to your father."
"You are nothing without your father."
"You fucked up Stephen's. The best college, the best course."
"People from Stephen's don't go to IIMC."
"You have never faced any adversity in life."
"You have done nothing with your life. You are nothing. If your father was not there, what are you? Nothing."
"Your mother has done nothing in her life besides marry an IAS officer."
"What wrong has your father done in wanting to get you married off at the age of 22? I would have done the same for my daughter."
"You call my friends dumb, what are you?"
"My friend got 99.7 percentile. What have you done?"
"You left your house to come stay in this shit place. You had someone to cook, clean, every facility. And you are living here."
"You don't have any shame. I have to tell you all of these things."
"At least I am better than you."
"You have to create a scene for everything. You could have called me up, told me, "I came to your house and you were busy so I left." I myself would have felt guilty and come to your house. But you had to create a scene, be stupid and walk out of my house. Then cry on the street when you were alone at night and ask me to drop you home when you couldn't find an auto."
"Ten years later you will remember this moment and thank me for telling you all these things."
"I will be happy for you if you do something with your life. But the way you are going, you are not going anywhere. What do you know, how much I studied? If you think studying one and a half hours everyday will get you through CAT, good luck. I used to study till 12, then I used to get up at 6 and study and then in office I used to study."
"Do you talk to your chairman? I take decisions worth crores.I make more money than you. What are you?"
"You don't respect your father, how will you respect me? You've never had to work for anything in life. You are a spoiled brat. You are not capable of doing anything for yourself."
"What's with you? You'll find some other guy tomorrow. That's what all girls are like. Your entire breed is like that. All girls are dumb. You don't respect your husbands, brothers or sons. They die trying to do things for you, and you have no value for them. All you can do is complain."

Forgiveness

If it was anger that drove you, I forgive you,
If you meant what you said, I pray for you.
Do not be so blind, child
You will fall and hurt yourself. 

Strength

We never measure a tree's strength by the leaves it sheds,
But by the hold of its roots.

Ask and You Shall Receive

What is the power of moderate sunshine?

Can it make the flowers bloom?

Can it brighten the squalid streets?

Or is the world fed by frantic fires?

Growing Up

Is a number man wiser?
The sun rose, and I was a child. The sun set, and I was defiled.