New Year

Friends are gone,

Love is far,

Count 3 2 1

The last hour.

Real

The walls of the diminutive room close around

And through the sun-tainted glasses I look down

Upon the red sheets I lie in I see and feel

The warm burning gun wound is real.

Gone

The stars shine down and smile and say,

He is gone now but he shall return one day.

Bitter Ale Imaginations

Head spinning like the world around,
Bitter sweet ale gulped down and down.
Lights play around like life,
Tempting those bodies with promises,
And the sways of a body out of control.
No wallowing in just bitter tears,
Only the bitter ale tonight.
Exotic temptations all around,
Debase to imperfect needs tonight,
No more good deeds,
I'm not who I thought I was,
I am them.
I know now I am them.
In the moment that I was by myself
I thought I was aching to be more
And now that I have this night to myself
I'll have my bitter ale tonight.
So no island of heaven for me,
I live in the bays of sin tonight,
Stripped of the ashes,
Raw burned skin tonight,
And my bitter ale.

Let blood fall from the brow

Life seems to go no where
As another day goes by.
Parents fight and I bare
The fear that I may die.
For die we all must one day,
And I wonder why not now,
Before my body falls into decay,
So let blood fall from the brow.

Crimes

I remember lying in your arms the other day,
I was shocked to see you so happy.
My heart refused to feel,
Stone cold.
And every time I thought I might begin
To feel,
I shut it off.
I did not want to feel the pain
Of having everything for a moment,
Only a moment.
It is too much to bear each time,
It is a blatant hurtful crime.

I'm fine

The winter chills more than bones,
And the sun refuses to shine.
People say I've lost my mind,
Even though I say I'm fine.

What Matters

I was at world's end,

She was a fickle friend. 

Need comes, she goes.

I tried to hold her close,

But she left me,

Left me to see,

What a cruel world it is,

And I shall not miss

The life I have dreamed of,

I shall return to the way I was. 

How easily he said it was a matter of size. 

Have you seen my childhood - MJ

Have you seen my childhood?
I’m searching for the world that I come from
’cause I’ve been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
’cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I’m not okay
’cause I love such elementary things...
It’s been my fate to compensate,
For the childhood
I’ve never known...

Have you seen my childhood?
I’m searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my childhood?

People say I’m strange that way
’cause I love such elementary things,
It’s been my fate to compensate,
For the childhood I’ve never known...

Have you seen my childhood?
I’m searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I’ve had

Have you seen my childhood....

Sadistic Desires

Rock-a-by-baby smiling-away,
Kill-it-before the end-of-the-day.
Stomp-it and swish-it and kick-it-around,
Then-stash-it-away in lost-and-found,
Someone will come and take it away,
And-sell-it-to-Devil who eats-it-with-hay!

He goes

He goes, leaving me behind,

He goes, perhaps to return,

Perhaps to change,

For a new life,

He goes.

And today I hope and pray,

In the nervousness that is

Slowly suffocating me,

The incessant bantering in the mind,

The shortness of breath,

Suffocating me,

Killing me,

He goes,

He goes,

He goes.

Return to me someday,

He goes.

Burn me

Let the flames of love envelop me
And burn me and destroy me.
It is better than to lie here in emptiness,
And wait for eternity.

Make Love

Sights and sounds, smells and touch,
Heightened senses from the excitement,
Of the day to come.
Yes,
We shall make love.
Rest,
Soft skin, weary eyes,
For the day to come,
Yes,
We shall make love.
The day will come,
When we shall be one,
We shall make love.
Dreams fulfiled,
Desires let loose,
We shall make love,
Yes,
We shall make love.

Haunted Nights

The nights are painted with your memories,
Inside the walls of my mind.
Blurred are the kisses, mingled in agonies,
Lost forever that I cannot find.
Never to return to me,
Like a life taken without choice.
Come dear death swiftly,
I no longer have my voice.

Time

So many tears for the broken heart,
The days are blue and nights tinged with blood.
Don't stay, go away,
Come again another day,
Love like the fairy tale lands,
Is far far away.
Go away, go away,
Make the pain go astray.
Love come back,
Time move on,
Sing my song.

Base

I cower behind carnal conversations,
Hoping he never sees the pain,
The tears I cry with a smile on my face,
Showers of contempt that rain.

And each time I find courage somehow
To stop the anger from taking over,
I must hide the feelings I cannot control,
As I pretend that I am sober.

Forget

Apologies made but never bought,
Evil plans of suffering wrought,
No closer than the day it began,
I can't forget love but I know you can.

At Night

At night I lay and think of you hoping my wishes and dreams come true
I wonder can this be the end is this all that's left
I wish we could go to the way things were
I lay and cry about the things that happened and how it all ended


At night I lay and think of us, I mean you and I
I realize there's no more us
I dream of us together again
I wish for us to be together again
But in the morning I realize it was all
At Night....

Wasteland

Our love is a wasteland of promises in vain,

Rotting in my palms as the tears drop in pain. 

Twisting and Turning

Mixing and matching,
Twisting and turning,
Hoping and praying,
Dreaming and considering,
Never knowing yet always knowing,
Wanting to, yet not wanting to,
Mixing my heart,
Matching my soul to yours,
Twisting fate with the flick of the wrist,
Turning my life over,
Hoping that it would end,
Praying that it never would stop,
Thinking it was over,
Wishing that it wasn't,
Dreaming of its coming,
Considering letting it steal within
Never knowing if it's true,
Always knowing that it's there.
Wanting to live in the light,
Not wanting the light to come,
The love of another
The dreams of someone close,
Remembering what you used to feel,
Can it come back if you pray so?

Happy Birthday

Maybe today...
you'll look at me the way you did yesterday,
when all my faults were set aside,
and for once, i felt perfect.

Maybe today...
my cheeks won’t hurt 
from the amount of smiles 
you place on my face
and the amount of butterflies you create
in my tummy.

Maybe today...
i'll think straight and pull myself together.
think of all the times you hurt me 
and the amount of tearless pain.

But today...
insted of pulling out and moving on...
I’ve fallen for you all over again.

Today,

No words can express how much I miss you,

Miss your laughs and jokes,

Miss you pulling my cheeks

Miss you

And if I could live life all over again

I would have my heart broken a thousand times

But I would love you all over again

And again

And again

There is so much pain

So much distance

So many things unsaid

So many fights

But in my eyes

I shall always remember your smiling face

The twinkle in your eyes

The love in your heart

Your soft hands in my hands

Your soft lips on my lips

Maybe today,

You’ll see that love isn’t perfect

But it’s worth living for,

Worth hoping for,

Worth suffering for,

Worth dying for

Worth lying for

Worth trying for

Worth forgiving for,

Worth, everything.

Maybe today...
you'll look at me the way you did yesterday,
when all my faults were set aside,
and for once, I felt perfect.

And insted of pulling out and moving on...
you will fall in love with me all over again.

Every time I feel the tears stirring,

I scream in anger at my weakness. 

I guess he knows he doesn't want me any more,

He left in such a hurry, he didn't close the door. 

The Wall

I stay on this side of the wall,

Where the wind is sharp,

And the stars shine.

I go about my daily chores

With fervor and promptitude.  

Cutting the grass, clearing the fallen leaves,

And letting the vines hang on the wall. 

I am happily discontent. 

But, when it comes climbing over the vines, 

Precariously, to my own side of the wall, 

My precious side of the wall,

I become unhappily discontent. 

Lightning thunders with admonition,

And the morning light shuns me.

And before I can discern my malcontent,

I find I have broken down the wall.

I cast my blubbery eyes upon the broken pieces,
Hurl a few of them around,
At nothing in particular, and prostrate, 
Hoping for mercy. 
And when the snot dries up the next day,
I pick myself up from the stone cold floor,

Set brick upon brick,

And build the wall again. 

My Muse

The horror ensues,
He's still confused,
Hope is abused,
God is amused.

Aaj Paas Aao Na

Kahin in raaton mein kho se gaye hain

Pyar ke woh lamhe so se gaye hain

Chain milta nahi tere bina,

Tu milta nahi mujhe sapne bina,

Dard itna hai tera mera ye jata nahi,

Ankhein num hain inhe hasna aata nahi

Tu ek baar jo has de to dil itna khilta hai,

Saare jahan ko chor doon mann karta hai.

Aaj paas aajao na, paas aaj aao na

Door aaj jao na, maaf aaj kar do na

Paas aa jao na (2)

Aaj paas aajao na, paas aaj aao na

Door aaj jao na, maaf aaj kar do na

Paas aa jao na (2)

Woh saare pal kyun bhulaoon aur kaise,

Mushkil hai bhool pana khud ko jaise,

Apne toote dil ke tukron pe na chalao,

Maaf kardo aaj mujhe na bhulao.

Mere haanthon mein de do apna haanth,

Ye zindagi hai poori sirf tere saath,

Dil ko aur rulao na

Aaj paas aajao na, paas aaj aao na

Door aaj jao na, maaf aaj kar do na

Paas aa jao na (2)

Aaj paas aajao na, paas aaj aao na

Door aaj jao na, maaf aaj kar do na

Paas aa jao na (2)

Reverse Gear

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhIUxrvbT2Q

After all the problems we’ve been through,

You and I will never be together again

And I will not believe that

You can be wonderful friend.

I realize this may be a shock but

“Love heals everything”

Is a pure lie, and

“Trust once broken cannot be repaired”

You know that

Being shrewd

Is more important than

Being loving.

I can tell you that

Once upon a time

We always stood by each other

But this isn’t the case now.

The solution is to forget you and move on

People tell me that

2 years from now you and I will stop talking

I cannot say that

You care about me

In the future

Lying to me will be normal for you

I cannot say that

You want to make me happy

It is clear

You do not love me

It is foolish to believe that

We will be together forever

All this will come true, unless we decide to reverse it. 

A grasp away

Alone, after the biggest day in my life,
The solitude hits me like concentrated alcohol,
Yet it is not as sweet.
The enticing song with false promises blasts in my ears,
I am not enthralled.
It tries to restore the elation, and hope,
It fails miserably.
The one person who can elate, lies a grasp away,
So close, yet so far.
How do I tell him how much I love him,
How everything seems right when he says he will be by my side,
How I would do anything for his love.
How do I tell him?
A grasp away- so close, yet so far.

House of Cards

Burnt by the endless tears,
Destroyed by the screams of anger.
Just a petty cruel argument,
And the house of cards called patience
Comes crashing down in a flood of fury.
When will I learn?

I'm battered and bruised and sore,

I have no will to live life any more.

Outbreak

Thinking, thoughts of pain.
Betrayal, guilt, lies.
Grinding teeth, fists tightening,
Struggling against their tight grips,
Struggling to find anything,
Anything to hit my head against.
No life, no forgiveness.
Die. Die.
No more memories of what happened,
What they said happened.
I loved him. I loved him to death.
Just wanted to talk,
Because daddy never had time,
Just wanted to talk.
Pills and blades and bile and,
And cold stone floor to hit my head.
Stinging pain.
They loosen their grip.
Breathing, deeply, sleeping.

Was

The love is different yet still the same,
I am no longer playing the game.
Hearts have been broken and feelings hurt,
The meal is over, its time for dessert.

Wake Up

The morning kills me with its light,
And the inner strength with it dies.
I wake up shabbily and rub my eyes
Of hopes and dreams from the night.