Lowlife

He became what he wanted to be,

But my wretched body betrayed me.

He has no emotions to feel,

And suicide now seems real.

Give me a rope, a bag or a gun,

There is no where I can run.

Let me finish a pathetic life,

He is happy and I’m a lowlife.

Short of Breath

May the dew drops in the morn

Quench the parched heart.

Oh Life, I am short of breath!

May the cool breeze in the morn,

Cleanse corrupted lungs.

Oh Life, I am short of breath!

May the chirpy birds in the morn,

Bring melody to deafened ears.

Oh Life, I am short of breath!

May the mild sun in the morn,

Restore strength to an aged shell.

Oh Life, I am short of breath!

Eartly Eden

On the cold wooden chair I sit,
Writing rhymes of youth.
The voice in the distance,
Pronounces me uncouth.

The ticks of the clock,
Taunt me shamelessly.
When will the bell screech,
I ask repeatedly.

Webs of mindless words,
Scrawled upon the board,
Kill the soul within,
As the others only hoard.

If only I could memorize,
All the superfluous lies.
The rose bed in the garden
Must be trimmed and wise.

The ants and the maggots,
Must all have their share at the end.
I must return to the soil,
Hail the gardener, the godsend!!

A memorable day

Emotions were such,
That words could not explain.
The pain of his touch,
Was so intense it was profane.

The nervousness at night,
Resonated from the pain.
It was too hard to fight,
And to try to be inane.

He was gentle as can be,
And so I must be strong.
I think I love him crazily,
But I pray I am wrong!

Thoughts of Tomorrow

The feet hurt from the all the running,
Running away from the very thought,
The very thought that can destroy,
Destroy everything or create a new life.

The nervousness finally sets in.
In tomorrow lies the future,
The future I have dreamed of,
Of love restored.

Bitter Lees

I must prepare myself,
Dark eyes bursting with secrets
Shan't entice me.
Those palms upon my skin
Shan't lift my veil.
May emotions be cleansed
Like waste water
Till all but vice remains
Bitter lees.
For off the coast where he goes
Lies no path for me.
For he is sure ne'er to return
The road behind is under snow.
Not summer nor spring
Can redeem the smiles and colors
Of days begone.
Bitter lees.
The wine is drunk and food is ate,
The days of green are gone.

Diseased

Impassiveness is not in my nature,

Yet it captures even ardent souls

Wounded from love.

Can the sceptic be ridden

And faith restored?

Questions that pick at the humble heart,

Until it bleeds,

And suffocates from within

Till at last, all is curdled

And diseased.

Fears

I confronted a fear today.
And I knew all along
It was the idea I feared,
Not the object.
For in that idea
Lay the manifestation
Of the very ideal I stood against,
So courageously.
The frivolity of one's actions
I had struggled so vigorously against
Stared me in the face,
And though my heart pounded in fear,
It pounded, and continued to pound.
Though my actions are called in question,
And the temptations still persist,
I have confronted a fear today.

The week next week

The day approaches for the final test

When emotions shall be victims

Of the beatings of the practical mind

And a week long orgy of stoicness 

Shall prevail. 

Part IV

But suddenly she entered a universe

Where she seemed to excel

Father and her would converse

About everything novel.

Endless talks of life and space

And philosophies infinite.

No worries of pride or disgrace

To keep her up at night.

Even his whips on that angry day

Were not too hard to forget

She did what she loved without flay

For which she got respect.

Yet who could stop the flow of time

And chemicals that disrupt

Life was not a black and white rhyme

Privy fears began to erupt.

Part III

Then came the the lands unknown

Where inquiry was of the hour

The king finally lost his throne,

She bloomed like a wildflower.

Her time there was short and swift

And soon she returned

And then again began the rift

All lessons unlearned.

City to city they went without end

No time for her to be loved

No time with family left to spend

From here to there she was shoved.

Her fears grew into untold nightmares

Murders with knives and blades.

Modest friends fell victim to snares

Who Mother compared to maids.

Part -II, The Life and Lies of a Drama Queen

She was a child of three or so
In the arms of another
The rest of the world was below
Distant was her Mother.
Father in his abode of work
Stayed immersed in files
Luxury was the only perk
And sometimes his smiles.
Crawling about in search of what
She did not know then
But someone picked her up and taught
Her evil deeds of men.
There were no scars of pain or joy
Only fears hushed within
People bowed to the viceroy-
Her father and his kin.
The seeds were sown for future ploys
Seeing the floods of fealty.
Power corrupts and also destroys
People are only realty.

Homes and Houses

I step into the house,

I step into the family,

One which I can never have

One which is too perfect. 

I am an outsider. 

And despite my vernacular skills,

I shall always be an outsider. 

I love him. 

I shall always love him. 

But I cannot step into his home. 

Bitter

The guilt eats into innocent flesh,
I have broken the law.
I cannot withdraw.
I am sinking into the endless sea
Temptation seduces so easily.
And at the bitter end,
Lies only breathlessness.
There is no godsend,
Only helplessness.

Introduction to The Life and Lies of a Drama Queen

The life and lies of a drama queen
Unfold before you today.
You shall see the hitherto unseen,
And actions that betray.
So without further ado we present,
The story before you now.
We hope there remains no resent,
Let the play begin, we bow.

Once upon a time in a land far away,
A girl lived immodestly,
Who lost her way and went astray.
Counsel went superfluously,
Suffering was but a must.
Love had its ups and downs
And piles of broken trust.
Smiles and tears and frowns,
All had their own share.
But before she found the truth
And walked out the lair,
She had to become uncouth.
And that was what she did
And so did she reap.
For truth was what she hid
And her lies ran deep.

Life is Funny

Someone said that life is like a funny joke,

And what a joke it turned out to be then!

When I finally stopped calling the bloke,

He wanted to try being together again!

Days and Nights

The sun sets swiftly

And the leaves turn pale

The days are thrifty

The nights are a veil.

Devils in their mischief

Vex the fine folk

Out come the mastiff

The devils choke.

Fly

You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That’s the burden.

Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs but they are a burden that lifts us, that allows us to fly….

Signs

He calls again, and again, and again.
And my resistance is finally tested.
It may be obsession, it may be love,
Is it a phase, or a sign from above?

Musings of a confused soul

I wait for the day,
When he shall be back,

But I can see,
No further than that.
The desire to have him,
Is beyond compare.
Yet after possession
I see no affair.
Is it not practical,
Or is it to much to think?
The lines are blurry,
I stand at the brink.

The conversation

He asks in his cherry melancholy voice

If I shall ever call him again

If I shall love another again

Anger is not my response.

I keep the emotions hidden,

Just like he tutored me.

I can hear the longing in his voice

As he asks me again

I remind him to leave each time.

I hear his coughs and sniffs

But I dare not ask

I dare not reveal emotion.

Finally he leaves

And I am left waiting

To hear his cherry melancholy voice again.

Restless

The restlessness is deathly,
And temptation beyond compare.
But I cannot betray myself again
I dare not walk back to his lair.

Desert Rose....continued

The dead wind in its lullaby

Whispers vigorously to give in

The parched eagle shrieks

The rose is bloody from sin.

Remember the thorny cacti

Scorched by the wrath

Defence is no defence  

Pain lies on that path.

The giver of verve

Gives not but mercy.

Famine fuels the force  

The desert is testy.

The tunnels beneath the sand

Lead to worlds unknown

The edifice in the distance

Could it be a tombstone? 

Desert Rose

Pale crimson skies

Stretched beyond repair.

Clouds as scarce as life

Above the desert’s lair.

Upon the sarcous traces

Of the dusty morsels,

Rain from a wispy heart

Like drunken yokels.

From the parched sands,

Palatable scents diffuse.

It approaches, it taunts

The flesh cannot refuse.

The Way

The sordid night does not let me sleep

And aches in the heart persist.

The pain of loneliness is beyond compare

I do not know how to resist.

The tongue has forgotten the taste of food

The body does not even crave.

These words are all my company and,

Will be buried with my grave.

I see it as the only way,

A way with only two ends.

One to the ultimate death,

And one in which time bends.

Broken

He needs me no more.
And I am what I was again,
Dumped in a pit of hatred,
Covered in the black soot of guilt.
We cannot go back to what it was,
Too much pain has been caused.
I wish he would stop to think,
Of the days when it was good,
But he is too engrossed in what was

And not in what could.
Was it all so evil,
The smiles and the tears,
With someone by your side?
If you had nothing to hide,
Then why not let me go,
Instead you wait till now,
When I'm broken into pieces of your memories.

Celebrate

He has proved that he can never forgive,
I look forward to my death, how festive!!

Evil

I'm dying here all alone
I can see no reason to live
I do not cry or moan
He is evil to not forgive.

Hell

Beat them or kill them, but never join them,
Burn in the fires of hell if you condemn them.
They think they own the world with their careless ways,
If you do not follow then suffer for the rest of your days.

Sick

Suffocating in the filth of a base ideal

Nobody knows how awful I feel. 

Amen

Walking alone by the river side,

I look at the smiling stars.

They have something to hide,

The clouds- abettors in their mischief.

The winds tease me with wicked whistles,

Someone yowls from the field of thistles.

They shall not get what they want.

The night is cold but not intimidating

A train runs in the distance, wailing.

A car drives by but does not stop,

My heart beats faster, clickety-clock.

I put one foot in front of the other,

The silence tries to taunt and smother.

I look at the smiling stars again,

I lose control and fall. Amen.