Love of each kind

When I met you in the summer,

We lay on the beach, collecting shells of laughs.

We dunked our heads in the pearl green ocean

That turned sky blue as I tasted the salt on your lips

And the waves crashed onto me, engulfing me in you.

When I met you in the spring,

We watched the butterflies flutter as fast as our hearts

Plucking flowers in all the colors of infinity

I smelt the sweet scent of your skin, breathing it in

As it intoxicated me with more life than I could imagine.

When I met you in the monsoon,

We hopped in puddles of rain and melted in its caress

You played hide and seek in its mist, acting so innocent

As you stroked the dew on my face, watching me

Smile as I dissolved into your perfect embrace.

When I met you in autumn,

We walked hand in hand beneath the trees of gold

Laughing at the orange faces of strangers

And the leaves that were everything but leaves

As tears of joy trickled from my eyes onto my cheeks.

When I met you in the winter,

We drank warm wine from each other’s lips

Lit fires that died away while we burned

We climbed mountains with feet aching

Less than our hearts from longing each other.

When I met you, I loved you

Each and every one of you,

Live within me, made me

Never love again

As much as I can love now.

Will to be Happy

I come from the land down under
Where sin flies freely in the wind
Where broken, lost souls run for cover.

Skipping from plane to plane, I met empty faces
That made me nervous, but took me in
And fed my hungry heart and soul so vane.

Lying in a den of a memories past
My lips parted, I said to them
Why tempt me, I'm not meant to last.

Foot stuck, lost deep in the woods
Sharp sunlight, then dense nothingness,
Can you hear, can you feel the thunder?

I sense your heartbeat, your breath in the air
Angels made you for me, a million miles away
But I will not be afraid today, I say a prayer.

I made a home to keep you, invented lies to protect you
Held your hands and kept you warm with smiles,
And now you're gone, good forgone.

But this is the moment of truth,
I am better, not well yet, but better
There's more left of me than fickle youth.

However many times that I lose me
I will find me again, in woods or deserts
Or hills or hell, I will find me alive and happy.

The third time

It was stained glass, this heart,
New colors, new patterns at first.
But then, broken once, and broken again.
Call it carelessness or blame it on the wind.
And as the I tried to pick up the pieces
And glue them back together again,
Storms of reality crushed them so fiercely,
That I couldn't even count them, so where do I begin?

Hopeless

Borrow a few tears from my eyes,

They seem very trigger-happy these days.

And as Murphy tugs at my life's control,

Remind me of the decisions I still own.

When my soul is stripped of all inspiration,

By the brutal hollowness of reality,

Show me the light of your beautiful mind,

And the abyss of goodness deep in your heart.

You deserve better

You have been patient beyond compare. You have listened to my whims and tolerated them with remarkable grace. I have no words. You have hugged me when I've been down, you've taken care of me like a child, you have been more admirable than any girl can ask for. You have shown love and affection in the face of my madness and loved me despite my flaws. You have been true and faithful despite everything. I am asking one more chance to try and fix things. 

I have tried to give you space, but as I try to make my life better, I realize I can't do it without you by my side. You are smart, talented and passionate, and I would want to continue being a part of your life. You are independent, self-sufficient and do not need me. You can be happy without me, I know. But I also know that I can love you like no one else can love you. And now that I know I will never be like I was, I can give you the stability you need from a relationship. But all I am asking in return is to try to move on from the fights. We have both inflicted horrors upon each other, but my love for you surpasses all those nightmares and the beautiful beautiful moments we have enjoyed in the last one year cannot even come close to being overshadowed by the pain.

I just want to make you nice tea, hug you and make all the nightmares go away. I want to see you right now so much it hurts, even if it is just for a bit, to return all the love you have given me.

The trips we made, the stupid dances and jokes, the hugs and tickles, the movies we ticked off our list - just the fact, knowing that there is someone loving you no matter what - tell me that doesn't overpower the fights? I'm not in a position to ask, let alone a position to dictate. I want to move on with my life and make it an amazing life - all I ask is that you be there with me. Have tea with me once, I will make it all okay, I will make your pain go away, but give us this chance - for the sake of the beautiful life that you and I have before us. I am always up for your ideas, your plans and your ambitions, no one girl or friend will support them as fiercely as I can. I am good and pure at heart - you know that. All I'm asking is just to give me a small bit of your time to let me show that to you. 

I promise to never return to being the person that hurt you. We can meet only one evening a week if that suits you, but don't burn the bridges, don't leave me hanging here in punishment, don't detach yourself from me, from my love and my commitment to making this work. Please, open your heart to me, it's so warm and deserves all the love and happiness in the world. Allow me to make you feel whole again.

You are a wonderful human being and I do not want to let distance get between us.

The infinite names you have for me, just grant me one line - "Deepanshi, meet me."

Not expecting, not waiting, just hoping...This is all I know-o-o-o.

Circus of Horror

Welcome to the circus of horror,
Take my hand, breathe in the fear.
Shut out the static, let it fade into nothingness
You, your ghosts are alive,
Push that fear harder back on me all you want.
You're in deep, sealed in safe, yes.
Hit, slit, slice this carcass all you want
The life that flows in your veins is poison,
I'm immune, unleash your dysfunction.

In the dense forest of your nightmares,
Shun their lullabies, they are nothing but screams,
They walk that crooked mile and call it straight,
Convince themselves that what they feel is real.
Let them watch you laugh your heinous laugh out loud,
Watch them in a prison of their hallucinations, those shapes, those colors
They will sink in them till they can breathe no more.
The life that flows in your veins is poison,
I'm immune, unleash your dysfunction.

Relish their hatred for you, feel its scent in the air
As you remind them of them who they really are inside -
Decaying souls with no path ahead, and the one behind forgotten
Let go now as we move faster, faster past the circus of horror
Love turned to venom and hope to shrieks,
Their beauty is nothing but corruption and their words all but truth,
Scream out if you're having fun yet.
The life that flows in your veins is poison,
I'm immune, unleash your dysfunction.

But I'm telling you now, this is not the end of the ride,
I want you to  know that everything is going to be alright.
You're in deep, sealed in safe, yes.
Just close your eyes, here are the words you wanted to hear -
That life that flows in your veins is me,
I'm immune, let me absorb your dysfunction.