Judgement Day

Sinking in a sea of memories and dreams,
My vision blurs, all is not what it seems.
I shall run out of breath, and my heart will stop,
I shall drown in my tears while he sheds not a drop.

Anticipation

The day draws closer when he must make a choice,

Yet my hopes do not grow as I see no reason to rejoice.

Pining Away

If only I could kiss those dewy lips,

And look into his eyes,

I shall pine away in loneliness,
Until the love in him dies. 

Contradictions...

I can feel the love in his voice, and see it his eyes,

I wish I could move on, but I cant deal with goodbyes. 

After Love...

Who knew the sun could shine so bright,
That it could burn the eyes with light?
Who knew the winds could blow so strong,
That one could be swept along?
Who knew the rain could even drown hearts,
And the battle of love was a game of darts?

My Happily Ever After

Not a day goes by without guilt,
And each time I promise myself I shall move on,
I dread the loneliness even more.
Every time I try to move on,
I cannot ignore the life we shared,
The tears and smiles, the kisses and hugs.
Friends we will be,
But ever more?
Life is not a happily ever after all....

Plea..

If I could hold your hand one last time,

Close to my heart that is no longer mine,

And if I could tell you how much you mean to me,

The stars would blush from my heart-rending plea.

Stupidly in Love..

He calls back whenever I ask him to,
He tries to help when I have no clue.
He laughs like a baby when I go to see him,
He shouts and screams when I try to be grim.
He giggles when I let him touch me,
And calls me stupid so very sweetly.
It's no surprise I fall in love every time,
Je t'aime beaucoup Avi, will you be mine??

Welcome...

Five point someone living in the big bad city,

Dumped and lonely and don't deserve pity.  

Got some talent but it isn't enough,

No future in sight and I can't even bluff. 

Had this guy but I let him down too,

He was the cutest thing I ever knew.

Friends are bizarre and not even two,

This is my life, I'd like to welcome you! 

Cold...

I'm lying on the cold stone floor,
I'm not welcome there any more.
It's been months since he left,
And I'm still here, untouched.
I don't have fancy friends or places to go when I want,
I don't have the brains or a body that I can flaunt.
I don't say I don't want attention,
I just want a hand to hold,
But how to find it is the contention,
When all the hands are cold.

Night and Day

My life is not like night and day,
So that morning will always come.
The nights show no sign of ending,
It's been months since I saw the sun.

A Rotten Heart

It's days now.
It's still lying on the floor,
Like discarded food,
Rotting away, flies brimming overhead.

It hasn't stopped beating.
It's been trampled over.
It reeks of decay.
No one wants to clean it up.

Forget nor Forgive

Judgement day approaches,
Yet he still remains afar.
The nails claw into soft skin,
I lose all sense of power.

I think of the all the reasons,
Why it will never ever work.
And I hate the world even more,
I stab my dreams with a dirk.

Death, sweet death, come take me,
I have no desire in me to live.
He dwells without me happily,
He will neither forget nor forgive.

Phonecalls..

The fear grips me tight and I fight it alone,
I will cry every time you cut the phone.

Lost in You....

Sleeping awake, lost in a memory of you,
I watch the days go by without a clue.

Saltwater

Upon an eyelash,

It swims down the cheek,

Incessant.

Triggered by the slightest anger in his voice.

Some would call it drama.

Strange, that my raised voice competes with others',

But not his voice.

Weary

The mind is weary,
The eyes are teary,
No comfort in sight,
When ends this night?

Off Button

If only there was a button I could press,

Making anger vanish into nothingness. 

You goddamn perfect thing

You goddamn perfect thing,

Your lips as pure as dew,

Your eyes look me through.

You make my heart hurt and burn,

With you I never seem to learn.

You goddamn perfect thing,

I wanna run away when you're around,

And when you're gone I wanna be bound.

I don't wanna love you so much,

I don't wanna dream of your touch.

You goddamn perfect thing.

Closing Doors

The door is closing on me,
You can't leave so easily,
I'll block the doors with boxes,
Look here, look at this locket,
You said you'd always love me,
Is this it, is this all you could be?

Pretendin'

I just wanted to stop by and say,
I am really happy for you today.
You seem like you're havin' a good time,
You've got your buddies and money and no time,
Not for losers like me with no life,
Yeah I wasted mine on you instead of me.
You've got your heart that doesn't work,
And an appetite that I'm here to fulfill,
Yeah we're friends with benefits,
You're the one who benefits.
So don't tell me not to cry Mr. Holiness,
You're not the one who's been dumped like trash.

Yeah I hurt you, but you're the one who can't move on.
Yeah I chose this life and I like it,
It's not your fault I destroyed it bit by bit.
I just thought that you'd be there when I was done,
I thought love was beyond money and position.
I thought come judgement day I'd find you by my side,
But I guess mistakes aren't forgiven until you've died.


I'm sure you'll find someone new who worships you,
And will get you down whenever you want.
I'm sure she'll have the kind of rack you like,
And won't bother you with calls when she's upset.
Yeah, she'll fit in with your family with her dad who's just your type,
And she'll have fair skin and won't ever start a stupid fight.
Don't worry, I won't come knocking by your door,
I'll lie down and wait for some guy to do me over.
And when I fake the shivers I got from touching your skin,
He'll pull my hair back and never realize I'm pretendin'.

Dark Nights

I do not know what lies ahead,

The night is cold and moon is dead.

No longer in control, I surrender now,

Let destiny guide where I go and how. 

You're Gone

You became a part of me,
You'll always be right here.
But now you're gone,
And I'll always live in fear.

Anger and Jealousy

I wish I could rid myself of anger and jealousy,
Emotions that have ruined my love and family.
But the more I run away from them,
The more they seem to pursue me fiercely.

It is better to have loved....

The stars shine down and smile and say,
Love will last and it's going to be okay.
And though there is distance and suffering,
And life does not at all seem comforting,
Someday you will remember the writing on the wall,
It's better to have loved and lost, than not loved at all.

What a Day

Oh what a day!
I had forgotten I could feel this way.
Was it the feel of his lips on my neck?
Was it the feel of him caressing my face?
Or was it the fact that he ran to wipe my tears,
Yes, he left the world behind, and came to me.
And already I can feel the loneliness stirring,
Not because it wasn't good enough,
But because I so desperately want more of it.
When he fell asleep on my shoulder,
I felt the world around me dissolve,
And despite the noise and chaos around,
I could only feel his oneness.
What a night it shall be,
Groveling in the darkness,
Begging for more,
Oh what a day! Oh what a day!

I Was Wrong

For years I thought I was the only one,
Whom life had dealt an unfair hand.
For years I thought sympathy would do the trick,
And no one close I knew had it as bad as I did.
But I found out the truth,
My troubles were nothing.

The very man I would profess to love,
Had troubles I could never dream of,
And when he broke the truth to me,
I realized I lived in unneeded misery.
I could be happy with what I have,
Because I am truly lucky.

Rotten Arguments

He shouts and I scream,
A chaos of words foreseen.
I try and he also tries,
Failing to explain otherwise.
Tears fall, tempers rage,
Both are on a different page.
Saying things we do not mean,
Can't we wipe the slate clean?

Scars-II

The times we made love count for nothing,
The burden is mine to bear, mine alone.
For he shall find another to submit to his carnal needs,
And I am scarred forever.
Prominent scars on hands and legs, from attempts to end my life,
Secret scars from loving him the way he wanted to be loved.
What does he care?

Used and discarded all my life,
What difference shall it make now?
Used and discarded again.
For the day he finds another,
I will no longer be important.

His ego will not let him return,
Too obsessed with matters of pride,
Yes, pride, the same thing that destroyed me,
It shall destroy him too.

Scars

The horrors of the past burn in clandestine scars,
And I laugh at the conspicuous ones.
Who shall accept these skeletons in my closet?
They haunt every dream turned nightmare
And every smile tainted with tears.

The nights grow excited at my incessant pain,
They have seen sufferings of a greater degree,
And they seem determined to promote mine.
I beg of them to let the horror pass,
And they laugh devilishly.

Come to me...

In the void, my eyes search for a glimpse of you,
My ears strain to hear your sweet laugh,
My body drifts into the nothingness of emptiness.
Will you not come and wipe my tears?
Come back darling, please come back.

Make me cry if it makes you smile,
Make me hurt if you must,
Do not leave me groping in the darkness,
For a love never to return.
I drown in a sea of my tears, will you not save me?
Save me darling, please save me.

The world around me seems so ruthless,
Rushing by, oblivious to my suffering,
And I will not complain if you are by my side.
I wish the rain would pour down
And wash my sins away.
Will you come back my darling? Please come back.



In the walls of my mind,
You're still here by my side,
Holding me tightly,
Whispering in my ears words of comfort,
And my heart chokes me,
Reminding me of how I ruined it all.
Do not let your heart forget me, my darling,
Will you not ask me to come close? Please ask me to come close.



Just let me be in your arms again,
I do not know if I can make it all okay,
But I know I can make you happy.
Don't run away from my love darling,
Don't be afraid,
I'll never force you to come to me.
I only beg, my heart begs, my soul begs.
Even the night tells me to abandon my tears,
But only your sweet laugh and warm arms can make them go away.
Come back darling, please come back.

Loving You

Sometimes I want to hold you,
Sometimes I want to let go.
Sometimes I feel I'm too old to
Be playing in the snow.

I, I keep on falling in and out of love, with you,
I, I never loved someone, the way that I'm loving you.


Sometimes I hear you say you love me,
And when I look, no one's there.
Sometimes I think I'm so unlucky,
When I sit down to compare.

I, I keep on falling in and out of love, with you,
I, I never loved someone, the way that I'm loving you.