Mixed Thoughts

I know you won't pick up
But I thought you might read.
So, I thought I'd try.
What's the worst that could happen?

I see your name every where.
In the brands I work on.
In my mind.
On the television.
On the phone.
In my thoughts.
On the computer.
In my words.

I watched Harry Potter.
I read it all over again.
I wondered if they fought so much
Misunderstood each other
Shouted at each other.
But still always pulled through.
And laughed about it later.
Then would we too laugh about this some day.

I'd give a lot to see you really smile.
I just thought if I'd ever produce the patronus charm
I would remember
When you laughed and told me that I eat like a child.
And when you said you would rather inject medicine than add sugar.

It hurts
That I can't talk to you.
But what hurts more is not knowing.
But I remind myself that you're not me
That you're Chris.
And you need this distance.
You're happy.
You'll take care of yourself.
You'll be okay.
But I'm scared you'll go so far away
That there won't be a path of return.
But at least you'll be happy.

But I breathe.
And I remember you talked to me every night.
For a while.
I don't know why you did it.
But I know I must have meant something in your life.
And when you shouted at me.
I must have meant something in your life.
Not much.
But something.

You'll come back soon.
The light always comes back.
Suffering ends if you hold on to what's good.
You'll come back soon.