I never will

I don’t have friends.
If I ever did, I succeeded in losing them.
If you’re one of them who’s still around, wait a little while longer.
I’m sure I’ll do something to screw it up.
They say I expect too much,
But I say I give more than I expect.
They say I lose my temper,
But I say I lose it only 2 times out of 10
They say I don’t try hard enough,
But I say, look inside, I fight my inner demons every moment.
I don’t have friends because I want to talk for hours.
I don’t have friends because I’m honest about the way I feel.
I don’t have friends because I’m self-obsessed.

I don’t know how to pick up the phone and convince you to come back.
I don’t know how to just hug you and make you feel what I feel for you.
I don’t have friends.
If I ever will, I’ll succeed in losing them.
I’m not asking for your sympathy,
Keep it for yourself.
I’m not asking for your anger,
I have my own to deal with.
I’m just writing to say
I don’t have friends.
I never will.
It pains too much when they leave.
It pains too much when they forget every moment spent together.
It pains too much when they forget that they said they’d always be there.
It pains too much when they say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.
It kills me when they leave.
I give a part of me to them
And they leave.
When I need them.
I don’t have friends.
I never will.
Pieces of me out there in the world.
Living on, without me.
I don’t have friends.
I never will.