When I was little, they used to call me beautiful. It’s funny, because isn’t the ugly duckling supposed to become a swan? Well folks, in some cases, the baby swan grows into an ugly duck. That’s me.
Large, pretty button eyes are now surrounded by dark, fluffy pillows. Chubby cheeks no longer matter because my skin’s not fair enough for people to admire. I’m not whining, I’m just saying that all this fake make-up and stampede to look the prettiest is getting to me. After so long, it’s finally getting to me.
My brain’s not a criteria to be loved and my kindness doesn’t merit a special date with someone I like. It’s strange, because I’m not attracted to six-pack abed, steroid guzzling, rabbit-food eating, gyming and Ray Ban-wearing hunks. Someone in simple clothing who can make me smile is all I want, and can’t get.
No one ever told us when we were kids that we better start exercising early, because once you cross over from teenage years, you’ll end up as a blob whom no one will really see as ‘attractive’.
I run away from the mirror, I run away from an idle mind. I love my food, I love my chicken. Hilarious, right? But is that so bad? Torturing my body at the gym, eating tasteless scraps of food and spending hours grooming myself; why do they expect this of me? And then to tolerate some idiotic Barbie yap on about how she’s lost half a kilo and her jeans is lose and how’s she’s so terribly tempted to eat the chocolate cake but she can’t. Why?
This nonsense about beauty being skin deep seems to me like what ugly ducks tell themselves to feel better, or what those elite swans tell ugly ducks whom they pity. I’m not bitter, may I am a little bitter. I just don’t understand why I’m expected to feel good about myself when people don’t treat me that way. I mean, I’m human, right? If everyday you tell a person he’s stupid, chances are, after a while, he might actually start thinking he’s stupid. It’s true. Try it. Call it weakness, call it whatever you elite people call it. There’s only so much you can battle yourself. You want a break once in a while for heaven’s sake.
I’m tired. I just want some empathy. I don’t want the Dumb and Dumbers of the world drooling over me. I don’t want a thousand admirers or hundreds of friends who like my facebook statuses because they think I’m cute. I definitely don’t want affection from someone who doesn’t really care. No. I’m not that shallow. I just want someone with common sense to see I’m not so bad a person and I need lots of affection. No one understands that loneliness is not physical. The physical feeling is just a manifestation of the internal feeling. The real loneliness is psychological; the feeling that no one understands what we feel and that no one will ever bother to.
this is something i truly agree with. People whining for zero-figure is so passe. Why should we stop indulging ourselves just so we can look pretty for someone else? i mean its all fine if u r doing it to stay fit, but why do it to please someone? why torture yourself day and night, craving for that chocolate pastry but denying urself small pleasures like these.
ReplyDeleteand yes, deep down inside it gets to me too , that fat is ugly. but then every once in a while someone comes along who doesn't give a damn that fat is ugly, and guess what? i go back to not giving a damn too :)
love the article.