Hear me out. You need to hear this or read this or just simply, I think you really need to know this. I’ve been a drifter. That’s me, I drift….I was going about my life…drifting… And I would have probably destroyed myself, not felt anything that lasted for more than a few minutes…And then I met someone. I met you. I stopped drifting. It was fucking awesome while it lasted. I felt like I could just stare into your eyes forever and life would take care of itself. Mighty freaking stupid I know. Reality always hits you like a goddamn truck riding at 100 miles an hour. And it hurts like shit when you wake up. But it was just so complete when it was there. And the hardest part is that each time I’m more convinced than the last time that I’m over you, you hit me like a tornado I just fall back into your arms. And I’m peaceful there. You happened to me. I can’t change that. You can’t change that. I don’t know whether I’m supposed to love you or something. But it’s sort of a complete feeling I can’t explain when I’m with you. Our conversations stab like broken glass sometimes. But when you smile, I just see you. And I can’t see the world then. I can’t see any freaking thing else. And maybe someday I’m going to wake up and find you gone, forever. And no one’s going to be there to hold me as I fall. But today’s not that day. And I’m prepared. I’m prepared to carry on somehow. But it won’t be me. I’m weak with you. I’m ugly with you. But I can be. Because I know that you’ll see me as okay. You’ll find something pretty there that I can’t see. And I’ll be happy in that minute. I know you think you’re supposed to make me happy always or most of the time. But it’s okay. I don’t have to be. I know it’s worth the pain to see you smile. Because I’m at peace. I feel beautiful when I can make you smile. I feel beautiful when I can make you laugh. You can look at the TV all you want. You can call me stupid or dumb or ask me to stop writing. I’ll get by. But you’ve happened to me. And whatever this is, whatever you feel and whatever I feel, it makes me empty inside sometimes. I look back and I look ahead. And I know that it’s not all perfect. Things are messed up. And maybe they’ll never get better. Maybe you and I will just be a textbook case of a Romeo Juliet story that never worked out. But maybe… just maybe, there’s a chance. There’s a chance that you and I will be together again. And we’ll smile and laugh and live the most amazing life together, challenging each other, fulfilling each other… I’ll wait for that day. Yes. I will wait for that day. I believe it can happen. I do.
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