hello,
i have been
reflecting, in the hours and days that have passed since we last corresponded, about
what you said. while there were elements
with which i agreed, there were other parts, which did not align with the way i
perceive myself. you are not an unwise
person. and so, i wanted to take the
time to truly understand why we had differing perceptions.
it is true that
at times i have a tendency to make the actions of others about me. but it is also true that i am quite secure in
letting my close ones be as they are, even if that is different from how i
would be. it is true that sometimes i find
the idea of being chased exciting. but it
is also true that more often, i value reflection, tempering the highs and lows,
and taking time and space to be grateful.
while our qualities are helpful tools to interact with others, they are
neither static nor a measure of our worth.
and so, sometimes they are meant to be accepted as they are. at other times, we must change them to align
with our personal values and goals.
you and i – it
was a million in one chance that we spun a wheel at the same time and embarked
on our noodly adventure. and i have a
feeling that more of the adventure remains. i do not claim to know where it leads, but we
are in it together. and so, for that
reason, i feel i owe you an apology. years
of conditioning to conventional norms makes one expect that if a person cares
for you, they will communicate with you frequently and make you feel desired. i projected these expectations on to you
without considering that you may define your boundaries differently than me. in doing so, i unintentionally put an undue
burden on you to make me feel a particular way.
i mistook your penchant for reflection as a sign that you were keeping
me at arm’s length. i am sorry for that. i want you to know that those actions came from
a of lack of knowledge of your boundaries as well as a preconceived notion of what
those boundaries should be. that notion
is now broken. and even though i may not
know all your boundaries yet, i know that it is important to ask and be more
considerate rather than to assume. in
time, i hope you will forgive me and understand where i am coming from as well.
i hope you are doing
good. when you’re ready to talk, i’ll be
here to listen.
always on your
side, always will be,
deepanshi
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